delayed wordless wednesday 3

I know its thursday and I have been neglecting my blog, for which I feel really bad, but since I missed wordless wednesday I decided to post a pic today anyway.

Hey, how'd that cupboard get there?

I have been neglecting my blog for a few days now because I have been very very busy... enjoying the sun and sea in Cape Town. I am definately not complaining but all this baljaring can be very tiring. The other day we spent the whole day at the beach and you know when you return it's bath the kids, bath yourself, wet clothes in the wash, etc., etc. By the time I got into bed at 12 I was zonked! But So when Sumayah woke up at 2.30am I was less than pleased! In the pitch dark room I tried to settle her, with no idea what the time was only knowing that I felt like I had only slept 5 mimutes. Patting and shushing didn't help so I picked her up and proceeded to pace up and down with her hoping that this would lull her back to sleep. I am not totally certain how it happened, but the next thing I knew I just heard a bang and Sumayah crying! Somehow in my sleepy state I managed to close my eyes while pacing the room and walked slap bang into the cupboard... Sumayah and all! The poor child must have knocked her head lekker hard because she was crying so bitterly and I felt terrible! So I whipped out the dairies and all was forgiven... aah the beauty of breastfeeding. but the lesson to be learned - don't pace the room when you are half asleep!

Wordless Wednesday 2

Sleep, Oh Sleep! Wherefore art thou sleep?!

It's amazing how little sleep one can actually operate on. For the past 2 weeks Sumayah has been acting like a little insomniac. I don't know if its because she's teething, is she hungry, does she have cramps, bad dreams? What? I guess with parenting it's like you the parent are a scientist and the baby is the experiment of cause and effect. You have to experiment by trial and error on the little kid to figure out what the bloody hell is making her wake every hour in the night.

Just when Sumayah established a nice little textbook 'Baby Sense' routine of sleeping after her last feed at around 8 till about 4 am sometimes even 5 am for a feed... suddenly the 'witching hour' as I like to call it enters our lives. It started with her always crying in her sleep at 3 am, only settling with a feed. Whether I last fed her at 8 pm or 12, she always cried out at 3 am! Ok I could deal with that, but then all hell broke loose. Suddenly she only managed to sleep about an hour when the restlessness kicked in. She would cry in her sleep about every 15 to 30 minutes right up unitl the wretched witching hour - 3 am. Except she no longer just wanted to be fed, she now wants to be wide awake and playing - not on her own in her cot of course!So I find myself lying awake in bed at 3 am  with the little munchkin playing with my face and hair and trying to chew my chin. No amount of rocking or patting will get her to settle into sleep mode until about 4 am when some magical switch in her brain decides 'ok time to get some sleep'. This is when I finally get about 3 hours of shut eye, till she wakes at about 7 am.

I have tried panado, homeopathic drops, buscopan, teejel, telement drops... any other suggestions? There are some nights when something works and she has an OK night, but I try to repeat everything the same and lo and behold the result is not the same! If it is because she's teething,I really hope they break through soon! Bilaal's teeth all took very long to break through. Each tooth took about a month to come out! And come to think about it he was also a very poor sleeper at this age.

Well here's to hoping things will improve soon...

Wordless Wednesday

Smart Alec!

Bilaal can be a real smart alec sometimes, even if he doesn't mean to be. Last night Yaasier and Bilaal were looking through this amazing book of photographs of images taken around the world. They came across a picture of camels and their race jockeys resting after a race in Qatar. Bilaal asked his dad what the picture was about and Yaasier replied, "These men race with the camels". To which Bilaal responded, "but obviously the camels are gonna win!"
Yaasier laughed and said, "No man, the men ride the camels and race each other." And little smart alec said, "Then you had to say the men race ON the camels, daddy" 

What's in a name?

Friends of ours have just had a baby and we are so proud that they have decided to name their son Bilaal. But it got me thinking about names and how choosing one is the very first responsibilty we have as parents. People choose names for different reasons, some choose names that are fashionable or sound 'cool', others choose names in honour of someone or something significant to them like a relative or religion. And of course for many the meaning of a name is very important. Whatever your reasons, we all want to make sure the name will not cause your child any grief when they are older. For example if your surname is Bush you probably don't want to name your son Thorn or even Harry. Or let's take the name Dick or names shortened to that... on its own it already has potential for a little laugh but it is particularly ill-advised if your surname is Burns... or Hertz... or Small... or Little... you get the picture. Then of course you also have to consider we use our initials alot as adults so always test this out with your surname too. Like say if my husband had been a descendent of the Balls family, his initials would be M.Y Balls.

But seriously now, I think it really it a personal choice how much significance you place on name choice, after all as I think it was Shakespear's Juliet says, "would a rose not be a rose if by any other name called?" At least i think that's how it goes.

Personally, we opted for strong names from our religious history. Wherever you come across a mosque you will hear the call to prayer 5 times a day. Bilaal was on of the first muslims and the first person to make this call to prayer. He was the son of an African slave and a close companion of the Prophet. Bilaal means 'freshness' and 'moisture', and guess what, just after he was born, the sunny day gave way to the freshest light rain. Sumayah was also one of the first muslims and she was also the first martyr in Islam. She was the mother of Ammaar ibn Yaasier. I didn't know this when we named her, but it is significant because my husband's name is Yaasier! There are different beliefs about the meaning of her name; I have come across 'beautiful flower' and 'pure', but the most common meaning in most of the arabic name books is 'exalted' or 'high'.

So while they may still have been the same children had they had other names, I can only pray that they grow up to have the same strength of character and faith and belief as their namesakes. All I know is that Bilaal certainly brings freshness into my life and Sumayah will always be my beautiful pure flower...

Driving Backwards

Yaasier got us this really cool digital photo frame. so last night we were sifting through our photos choosing the ones we want to load for display. Then we came across this hilarious video clip taken in December 2008 when we were in CT on holiday. Its really short, but had agood chuckle I just had to share it. We couldn't believe our eyes when we saw this guy actually driving in reverse as though it was the most normal thing in the world to do... I ran out of space on the camera, but he actually continued to the traffic light, stopped like a law abiding citizen, then proceeded to turn into the next road when the light turned green. now bear in mind this road has speed bumps, but did this deter our stunt driver... of course not! i don't know where he was going but he continued this way for a long time until our route took us away from his. I wish I had all of it on camera, but this is all I have...

Good News Bad News

I am happy to report that Bilaal is no longer hurling vomit and has regained his usually ferocious apetite. As expected, it got worse before it got better, but when morning broke, so did his fever. He still didn't have much apetite, but he didn't dehydrate and I'm so glad he didn't develop diarrhea! In my last post I was on a guilt rant, but all you mothers out there, when it comes to our kids most of the time we really do know what's best. Trust your instincts, obey your thirst, Sprite! Anyway, so that's the good news.

The bad news is that today, 2 days later, Sumayah has started vomiting. This morning I heard her vomitting while in her cot, but she didn't cry or anything and up till now she hasn't developed a fever. In fact aside from the vomiting and what appears to be cramps after a feed, she seems pretty much her usual vrolike self. So I've got her sleeping on her changing mat in the cot in case she vomits in her sleep.

But, I'm a glass-half-full kinda gal... so you may be thinking where on earth do I see the bright side in the situation? Well look at it his way, it was inevitable that Sumayah would get the bug, but luckily for me she gave me a space to recover from Bilaal being sick, just long enough to to travel back to jhb, unpack and settle back home with 4 loads of washing. It could've been worse, they could've both had the bug at the same time, plus I coulda had it too! Always look on the bright side of life tada ta da...

Always be my baby...

My poor boy is really ill. Its been a long time he's been this ill and it breaks my heart. I always try not to show too much worry or fuss too much while at the same time giving extra tlc... a very delicate balance... just because I believe children pick up on their parents' anxieties and that does not send out good vibes for getting better. So anyway the truth of the matter is that as brave a face I put on, I am so worried about my baby. He may be turning 5 in just 2 months time and no longer my baby... but he will ALWAYS be my baby!

But it is so hard having a little Sumayah to care for as well. Like this afternoon I was breastfeeding Sumayah and Bilaal wanted me to hold him but I couldn't cos I had to finish with the feeding first. He started off this morning only vomiting but still acting his normal self and no fever. He couldnt even hold down plain water. So I went to the pharmacy and was told there's a tummy bug going around. I was given Nauzene and told he should be given fluids regularly and no diary. So anyway I gave him the medicine and some water, he vomited again, but worst still he started to develop a fever. So I gave him Panado. By now he started to get lethargic and slept for most of the day. So now the vomiting has stopped, he can hold down fluids but he still has a fever and is very lethargic. Now its night time so i will have to wait till morning to take him to the dr, but I am so worried and feel guilty that I didnt take him to the dr in the first place. Thing is if i had taken him this afternoon we would've sat there waiting and i just wanted to give him something for the nausea and he didn's have a fever. But hindsight is the best foresight and now i feel soo terribly guilty for not just taking him!

Plus not being home and having hubby is not good. It great to have in-laws support here, but now because Sumayah sleeping in the bed with me and Bilaal is in the other room with my sister-in-law, so I feel kinda helpless. I want him here with me where i can watch him and care for him. I probably won't sleep much and check on him every 15 mins.... this is so horrible! I really hope he will be better in the morning. Plus we supposed to fly back to jhb tomorrow nite. What do I do if he's not better by then. Can he fly? Is he contagious? Guess I will have to wait to get to the dr tomorrow and see!

A day of sacrifice

On Friday we celebrated our second Eid. Now for those who don't know the second Eid is significant because it marks the event in history when the prophet Ebrahim (Abraham) was tested in faith and ordered by God to sacrifice his son Ismael (Ishmael). As I understand it in the Christian and Jewish faiths alike it is believed that it was Isgaak (Isaac) that was to be sacrificed or am I mistaken? So anyway the story goes that when Ebrahim proceeded to sacrifice his beloved son, the knife would not cut and God sent a ram to take Ismael's place. So on this auspicious day, muslims all over the world sacrifice animal in the names of their children. Now for those of you who are vegetarian because you don't believe in the sacrifice of animals for food, I am sorry for this post and accept that you may not agree with this custom. However if you enjoy tucking into your juicy steak but find yourself disapproving, may I ask that you reserve judgement until you at least better understand fully what this day is about. Firstly, notice the word sacrifice as opposed to killing. This is an important distinction to make. Animals are not just randomly killed for the sake of fun or sport, they are sacrificed for a clear purpose. No part of the sacrificed animal must e wasted or incorrectly disposed of. Most people elect to distribute all the meat to the poor and destitute. The charity organisations involved usually make up food parcels. Now the part that many people struggle with is the actual observation of this sacrifice and that the child the animal is sacrificed for is encouraged to watch. This disturbs many people, especially us city folk. But I do believe that when a child, even very young children, understand the significance of the event they are not negatively affected by it, in fact I have found with Bilaal that he actually has a deeper respect for life because he is more aware of the value of life even in an animal. When you just watch the sacrifice all you see is the slaughter, but there are so many rules that need to be adhered to. now I am no expert but I am vaguely aware of the main ones. The animal must be well treated in its life state - well fed, comfortable etc. The animal must never see or smell the sacrifice of other animals as there must be no sense of the impending sacrfice so that the animal does not experience any fear. The method of sacrifice, which incidentally is also one of the determining factors for meat that is halaal or not, is that the cut must occur in one fast movement into the jugular so that death is instant and the animal experiences the least amount of pain possible. There are others but these are the main ones for me. Bilaal observed for the first time last year when he was 3 years old and he handled it really well. We read him the story before hand and he had some questions which we answered as best we could and he seemed to understand. I must say the whole day makes me very emotional because it just makes me think how grateful I need to be that I have been blessed with the ability to bear children. An then I think about how easily life can be taken away from us, even our children. And that makes me really fearful about my children's safety. ALmost everyday now on the news there's been reports of toddlers and chidlren drowning or missing or killed and you wonder what kind of world do we live in when children have become commonplace victims? And then when the Imam asks for my child's name to recite and proceed with the scarifice I pray to Allah to please protect my children from any pain and suffering and keep them safe from harm.

So I know this was a rather serious post compared to my usual lighthearted banter but I felt it was important part of my motherhood experience that I needed to intellectualise a bietjie.

In the Washing Basket!

Since Sumayah's rolling, I can't leave her on the bed anymore while I'm bathing Bilaal and she tends to lick the carpet. Besides I think she feels kinda left out lying there all by her lonesome while Bilaal and I have a fat conversation in the bathroom. But I have discovered the perfect solution - at least for now while she can't sit on her own yet... the washing basket!

As you can see, she absolutely loves it. This is right next to the bath so she can watch us while I'm washing her boetie's hair.

Midgets and Swear Words!

Every parent has stories of their children doing or saying something in public that just makes tnem cringe with embarrassment. Well, I am no exception! I have my fair share of tomatoe cheeks in the 4 years of Bilaal's existence. Unfortunately (or maybe for my sake fortunately?) I cannot remember all of them. The earliest embarrassing moment I do recall was when he was still very young, I can't remember how old, but he was just transitioning from nonsensical sounds to purposeful articulations (a fancy way of saying he was starting to speak!) Anyway, so he had this humungous duck that he absolutely loved. It was twice his size and he used to sleep with his arm draped over the duck's neck. So naturally the first animal sound he was taught was "quack". But this was too complicated an assimilation of letters for Bilaal at the time so instead he said "kak"! So everytime he saw a duck he would point and shout excitedly "KAK! KAK!" One day I was standing in Ackermans in Kenilworth Centre in Cape Town, waiting in line to pay or my goods when horror of horrors Bilaali spotted a duck! And true as peas he proceeded to point and with much zeal and animated frenzy shouted "KAK! KAK!" Now I was faced with a dilemma do I ditch my probably-don't-need-but-at-the-time-think-I-can't-do-without sale items; or do I just pretend I didn't hear and hope he doesn't repeat it. Well I stayed and he did! So I thought... how do I explain to the disgusted Antie in front of me that I do not teach my child to express such vulgar profanities without directly addressing her. So I simply said to Bilaal, "Yes, my boy, that's a duck and it goes "quack, quack!"

Now bearing in mind if that happened today with Sumayah I wouldn't care less what the people around me thought, I just don't get embarrassed for such minor transgressions anymore. But there are some things that will always be embarrassing. Like the first time Bilaal saw a midget. Now fortunately for me I am retelling this story as it was told to me because I wasn't with Bilaal on this occasion. He was with his granny in a supermarket called Tesco in the UK. Apparently a midget man stood a few paces away from Bilaal in one of the aisles looking up at the shelves. Bilaal looked, turned toward him then said, "Tell me... why you so small?" Fortnuately the man took it in good humour and simply answered, "because I can't grow". But that didn't stop the Bilaali inquisition because he then asked, "but why you can't grow?" At which point my mom intervented and swiftly moved him along.

On another occasion Bilaal was on a bus with his granny and great-granny travelling from Shepperton to Kingston when 2 Pakistani women sat near them and started talking with heavy Pakistani accents. They were chatting away when Bilaal remarked very loudly to be heard over the bus engine, "Ma, why do they talk so funny? They not making any sense."

So I may have been spared those 2 particular times, but I remember a time in the shops with me as well. See for a long time, and somtimes today still, Bilaal would describe people by the colour of their clothes. So if you wore predominantly pink you would be the pink one, or a man wearing blue would be the blue one, etc. Of course other people don't know this, they just hear talk of the white man or the black lady... you catch my drift? So one day we were in Sainsbury's and Bilaal was very intrigued by the security at the door because he was just going through a period of fascination with police and security and 'baddies'. He was still a little confused thinking that the security was a baddy because he caught those who did bad things and I was trying to explain it to him. So as we were walking out of the shop Bilaal pointed at the security who was wearing black, but also happended to be a black man and called out, "Mommy, so is the black man a baddy?" I don't know who heard because I was at my car in no time!

I'm sure there are many others, if I remember I'll be sure to post it!

Now that's deductive logic!

Yaasier reminded me last night of another of Bilaal's funny quips. But this story needs some background to be understood. You see as Muslim parents, from an early age we taught Bilaal how to recite the 'Shahadah', a profession of belief in the Almighty. Of course with this came an explanation that we believe in only one God we call Allah and that Allah is our all powerful creator. Naturally he enquired where Allah is. We explained that we can't see Allah, but that He is everywhere.

This brings me to my story.... Awhile ago, I think Bilaal must have been 3? I'm not sure... well anyway we were driving along when Bilaal suddenly asked, "you know the man on K 'n C (thats what he calls KFC)?"
To which we replied, "Yes he's called Colonel Saunders..."
Bilaal: "Oh, isn't he Allah?"

Shock, horror! "No! why do you think that he's Allah?"

Bilaal: "Because you said Allah is everywhere, and I see the K'nC man eeeverywhere!"

Well I guess if a dog has four legs and a cat has four legs, then a dog must be a cat right? heehee

You say Tomaytoe, I say Tomartoe

The other day Bilaal and I had a classic case of miscommunication. He reminded me about it in the car and we had a good chuckle. You see I have one of those plastic London aprons with the guard in the red uniform and the tall black fur helmet standing the length of the apron. One day when I was wearing it, Bilaal came to me and without making reference to the apron, asked me, "Mommy, what is a guard?"

So I launched into a whole philosophical definition in as simple terms as a 4-yr old can handle about "God"! I started explaining to him that God is not human and is present everywhere and that as muslims we believe that there is only one God and we call him Allah and that nothing comes equal to God...etc...etc...

All the while Bilaal patiently listened to me until I asked him, "Do you understand? What made you ask?"
To which Bilaal replied, "Yes I understand, but what is the guard on your apron?"
I looked at him blankly and then burst out laughing. Of course he had no idea why I was laughing, but he happily chuckled along. Then I explained to him that I was laughing because I misunderstood his question and that I was a very silly mommy! LOL!

Knight in Shining Armour

Earlier in the year we realised that Bilaal didn't know how to stand up for himself against physical bullies. He has a good mouth on him, but doesn't really know how to react when someone pushes him or smacks him, or in this case when the bigger girl told him to close his eyes and open his mouth and then proceeded to put a stone in his mouth!. Now I'm not one of those over-zealous mothers who will go rushing to school demanding that the girl's parents be informed of their horrible child's atrocities... because I know kids will be kids and really the onus is on us as parents to teach our own children how to handle these instances by themselves. They need to learn how to fight their own battles so hubby and i had a whole discussion with him about any other incidences that may have happened and how he handled them. Weask him about school every night at the supper table so when we asked him how come he never mentioned these things when we asked him about school, it came out that he thought we only wanted to know about good things! Just shows taking real interest in your children is more that just asking them "how was your day" hey?

So anyway we spoke to him about when it is okay to stand up for yourself and how, and when he should consider telling the teacher. (He wasn't so keen at first 'cos he didn't want to be a tattle-tale). I then had a discussion with the teacher to ask her to just coach him in being more assertive and help him identify when it is appropriate to report to the teachers.

So this was much ealrier in the year and we now have a very different child. He knows how to handle bullies, hardly ever needing to "squeal" to the teacher. So the other day he was telling me that one of the boys in his class is very "wild". Apparently this boy likes to punch other children, including him and his favourite friend (the girl he always says is beautiful).

So I asked him what did he do when the boy hit him and he replied, "I hit him back"
And then I asked,  "and what did you do when he tried to hit Robbie Rue (nickname for his friend)?"
And my little knight in shining armour replied, "I told  him that if he want to hit Robbie Rue then he have to get through me first!"

Fantasy vs Reality

The Tooth Fairy (or  in our case the mouse), Father Xmas, magic... these are all the familiar fantasy realms we are familiar with that fill our children's minds with a sense of wonderment and splendor. But there are more comples lines between feeding into the fantasy and teaching the reality. With Bilaal now entering the age of reasoning and the need to understand things... you know... the what, when and why age... I am constantly battling with this line.

For instance Bilaal will often ask me about the programmes or adverts he watches on T.V.
Is it real?
Are they really doing that?
Can I go there?
etc, etc

So when do i go with him on that ride of fantasy and say, yes the magical forest in the Baker's biscuit advert where all magical creatures steal the biscuits falling out of the childrens buckets is real...
or should I endeavour to teach him about the principles of marketing and not trusting and believing everything on t.v. when some beer advert makes it look like drinking it will make it snow.

Or maybe he shouldn't watch so much T.V?
But the thing is he doesn't, and its not just t.v. I want him to be a child and believe that magic is real and that wonderful things can happen if you just use your imagination, but I also want him to learn about the world and how it works.

Aah parenthood...

I want to have my cake AND eat it!

When Bilaal was born I stopped working to be a stay-at-home mom, but 3 months down the line I started to feel mentally unchallenged, aka, bored! So I decided to take up a Masters degree (yeah I know what possessed me). But actually I really enjoyed it, I only had to attend lectures for 1 week per term and then completed my assignment inmy own time. Yes I know there isn't much of "own time" when you have a baby... it certainly was challenging, but I managed and it was worth it. Then through my involvement with the university I landed a stint as a student fieldwork supervisor, also part-time. SoI was juggling looking after my boy and working and it was difficult but I was determined not to give up my stay-at-home mommy status.

Well now I have 2! And once again I find myself at home mentally unchallenged. But this time the studies are not on the books, because, well it costs money and I'm not ready to make that investment unless I know I can handle it, and I have serious doubts. So i nstead I have taken up freelance writing. It's not ideal because I'm straying from my profession as an Occupational Therapist and I am really worried that I will lose my OT knowledge the longer I am out of practicing, but as they say: you can't have your cake and eat it! My ideal sitaution would be if I could practice from home on a part-time basis then I would be happy to employ a nanny. Anything else is not really desirable to me.

With this freelancing business, I work inthe mornings or late at night, often times finishing articles with Sumayah sleeping on my lap, her head resting in the crook of my arm and me typing away...
So this is not an ideal situation, but it's the only way I know to defy the saying because I want to have my cake and eat it!

...And the little one said, Roll over, Roll over...

I have so much to do today, the last thing I should be doing right now is blogging, but I just had to share Sumayahs milestone... this morning she actually managed to roll over onto her tummy! Thing is developmental milestones go it's way too early for her to be achieving this mountainous challenge faced by babies. For the past week or so I noticed she was turning her body right over with just the last shoulder to lift then she'd be on her tummy so I knew she was getting there, but not so soon. Granted this may well be a fluke moment, but the at least her little brain box now knows its possible. The thing is it just reminds me how quickly your baby becomes a child and before I know it my Bilaaly is gonna be a teenager and I just want him to be my little boy forever.Well I'd best logg off now and get to work especially while Sumayah's sleeping.

Fresh Air

I know I've been neglecting my blog and when I do there are always these precious moments or funny sayings I forget to record. Its quite late and I need to sleep so I at least get a few hours in before the 3.30am feed, but I just had to visit my blog and talk about the lovely day Bilaal and Sumayah had in the fresh air today. We have been living at this complex for just over a year now and today for the very first time we actually made use of the pool. At first I wondered how on earth I would manage with Smayah on thearm and Bilaal in the water with his armbands, but Sumayah was an absolute angel in the fresh air. I put her on atowel in the shade and she was just lying there staring at the blue sky and fluffy clouds. so i could play with my boy in the water. He is quite daring going deep into the water but he hates having water in his eyes and here I go dunking him under water... sounds cruel I know but don't worry he loved it... as long as he could get out to dry his face on his towel and then do it all over again! Well I enjoyed the afternoon at the pool so we will definately be doing it agian. Come on summer come one!

Bilaal the charmer!

So Bilaal had a party on Saturday past. At these parties I can get to know some of the parents of the children in his class. Now there's this one little girl that Bilaal has a special relationship with. She's sort of his best playmate at school. I was chatting to this little girl's mom and she was telling me that Robyn (the girl) is starting to want to exercise choice as to what she wants to wear in the mornings. Apparently she always asks her mom if she thinks Bilaal will think she's beautiful in the clothes. And she never wants to wear a pants so its always a fight with her mum on action ball days because "Bilaal won't think I'm beautiful in this"!

Actually, I'm not surprised Bilaal tells the girls they are beautiful, he models from his dad who always compliments me when he thinks I look good. My boy's turning out to be a real gentleman.

More funnies from Bilaal

I was chatting to my sister whose in the UK the other day, discussing Bilaal's funny quotes in an earlier post. Turns out i forgot about a conversation he had with her not to long ago. Firdous was telling Bilaal that she missed him stax and stax, and Bilaal asked her how come she doesn't have any children of her own. When Firdous explained that she wasn't married, Bilaal replied...

"so why don't you find a man, find out where he lives, then you can marry him and then you can have children..."

If only everything in life were as simple as children make it out to be, or is it and it's just us adults that complicate things?

Tooth Trouble

Unbearable tooth ache sent me to the dentist yesterday an as I was dreading, I need root canal. If I had only gone a month earlier I wouldn't have needed it, but I needed pain to prompt me to go. But this whole dentist thing also just reminds me that I need to take Bilaal for his first ever visit to the dentist. It is actually long overdue and fortunately he hasn't had any problems with his teeth, but I've been told that children should go for a check-up and polish as soon as they have a full set of teeth!So now I first have to get thus root canal ou the way. But what I've done is to book my next appointment in the afternoon, so Bilaal will have to go with me and that will be his introduction to the dentist... role modelling in action! If he can see his mommy bravely enduring all that scratching around in my mouth it won't be so daunting when it's his turn. Of course this will only work if I actually am brave, Fortunately, with this not being my first root canal I am pretty confident that I won't be flinching with pain. Been there, done that, got the root canal so to speak. If anyone reckons my plan will backfire and have the reverse effect, let me know.

Hide and Seek the Bilaal Way

I can't see you, so you can't see me!

sleep progress

So I been taking my own advice and trying to get Sumayah to fall asleep on her own in the day. So far it works for the morning nap, but the late afternoon nap, when i am most busy is when she puts up a fight. Everytime she cries I pick her up to console her then put her down again, she sleeps about 5 mins in total then she cries again. But i look at the positive side, i'm getting lots of exercise walking up and down the stairs every 5 minutes! I do feel bad though that poor Bilaal has to entertain himself while I juggle cooking and sleep training in the afternoons. The good news is that her for 2 nights in a row now, she has fallen asleep by herself at the night sleep (about 10pm) and has now stretched her sleep to 3.30am. if she keeps this up, hopefully by the end of the week she will be going at least till 4.30am, that's my target for now. When she starts having more solids in the day I will target a later wake time, but she is after all only 3 months old!Speaking of the feeding issue, I'm thinking I'm gonna start her on veggies next week. Apparently sweet potatoe are the least allergenic followed by the squash family, so that's what I'll start with.

The big Eat 'n Sleep debate

Different people have different approaches to the whole sleep issue. With Bilaal I certainly had many a sleepless night until I sleep trained him at age 2. But reflecting back I think I could have achieved this earlier. But that raises the question when is the right age. I know the Baby Sense Franchise encourages it from early on already with their whole "put them down drowsy, but awake" concept. Problem with that is, it didn't work with Bilaal, nor with Sumayah, I tried it from the beginning and once again have a kid that needs to be 'put' to sleep. So I have this one friend who is lucky enough to have a 9 month old she can put wide a awake in her cot and leave the room for the little angel girl to fall asleep all on her own. She informs me that with the first one she wasn't so lucky and was desperate so she sleep trained him with controlled crying. So she did the same with her daughter from birth and hey presto! no sleep problems. Of course the other difference is that she has the cot in another room, I forgot to ask her if this was from the beginning, because I find I don't like to leave Sumayah to cry in the room when I know Yaasier has to go to work the next day. I would be easier if she was in another room, even though that would take away the convenience of having her within arms reach! So perhaps the alternative is to try getting her to sleep on her own in the day and evening?

For the past few nights Sumayah had been waking at about 1 am, then 2 am and finally last night 3 am, so it has been progressively improving. Everytime she wakes I pick her up and put her back to sleep. My aim is to try to get her to sleep till 5am from a 10pm bedtime. Granted she slept most of last night in my arms and I had a rather broken sleep, but I refused to feed her before 5am as she should be going for 8 to 10 hours without a feed at night (according to Baby Sense).

Let's see what happens over the next few nights!

Conversations with a 4-year-old

For some reason it really bothers Bilaal that I don't work, especially because before Sumayah was born I had my own OT practice and he sometimes used to come with me to the office after school. Since I gave up the practice he's asked me on numerous occasions why I don't have an office anymore. i've tried to explain to him many times that I gave up my job to be at home for him and his little sister, but my explaination seems to only bring up more questions. Most recently the conversation went like this...
B: Mommy

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: What does it mean to be fired?

M: When your boss tells you you can't work in your job anymore.

B: Mommy, did you tell your boss you have a Sumayah and a boy that's why you want to be fired?

M: What?! No I wasn't fired! I chose to stop working to look after you and Sumayah

B: Yes so did you tell your boss you want to be fired. How come you then don't go to the office anymore?

Then the other day Bilaal came home one day talking about this new girl at his school named Amy.

B: Mommy I think she's from Scotland.
Me: Why do you say that?
B: She sounds like she's from Scotland because she speak like that
When I asked his teacher about it, she said the girl is infact from England, but she's not sure if its from Scotland.

Then one day we were driving home from school and the conversation went something like this...

Bilaal: Mommy...

Me: Yes Bilaal?

B: How do people get married?

M: Well , 2 people decide they want to be with each other forever, then they sign a contract to promise each other they will stay together.

B: So can you get married if you a child?

M (with both amusement and curiosity): No why? Is there someone you want to marry?

B: Yes, but its a secret adventure

M: Oh it's a secret... is it someone at school?

B: Yes

M: is it Robby Rue? (His favourite friend Robyn)

B: No

M: Is it the new girl Amy?

B: Yes

M: Why do you want to marry her?

B: I like the way she sounds...

Then yestersay Bilaal was telling me about another girl friend at his school...
B: Mommy...

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: Eden's said her daddy told her she can go on a trip by herself

M: mmm (listening but not really)

B: Her daddy is unrespectable

M: Unrespectable?! (that certainly got my attention). What do you mean?

B: Yes because he told her she can go alone, so I told her he's unrespectable

M: You mean you told Eden her daddy is unrespectable? Do you know what that means?

B: I don't think he must let Eden go on her own...

M: but you can't just tell people their parents are unrespectable... what did Eden say when you told her that?

B: Nothing

M: would you like it if someone said that about your daddy?

B: No

When I told Yaasier about this conversation he said Bilaal probably meant 'irresponsible'! Where he comes up with these things I don't know!

Yum Yum

So the cereal eating is going well in the sense that Sumayah is enjoying it lots, but it hasn't really made much difference to her sleeping. She still wakes at about 2am for a feed??! I don't know if it's just habit or what. This morning I started giving the cereal in the morning too, because for the past 2 mornings she's been hungry between feeding times in the mornings. So we shall see how it goes tonight.

Our adventure with Food begins

Last week Thursday, on the advice of the nurse at the clinic, I started giving Sumayah cereal in the evening. I was so relieved she took to it very well. But at the same time, i wasn't really surprised. I know lots of people struggle with feeding so I feel very blessed that Bilaal never had an eating issue and hopefully it doesn't seem Sumayah will either. I think I just have greedy children... not surprising when they have a mother who loves to chow down! I was both excited and nervous to start solids - excited because it's such a new milestone in our relationship, but nervous because it means we are embarking on a whole new adventure that ultimately means more time, new problems, and the biggest one... it means my baby's growing so fast! Next thing you know she's gonna be crawling around the house scratching out all manner of things!

My clever boy!

I don't recall at the age of 4, being able to add already? Mommy if you read this... could I add at aged 4? I know every parent think their child is the most gorgeous, most super intelligent in the world (as it should be), but seriously I am super impressed with my kid! This morning he kept coming to me with different simple additions like 1+1=2. Now I was already impressed he can now add simple number under 5 on his fingers, but then he came out with 6+6=12 and with only a little help could figure out 10+10=20! Well needless to say this game continued all morning cos he could tell I was proud of him and kids are like that - once they've cottoned onto something fun or something they did well, they become obsessed with it. I guess that is why its so important we always build our kids up by letting them know how proud we are even when they just TRY something. As an occupational therapist, I often cam across children who struggle with a learning difficulty, but you know what their biggest barrier to learning is?...Lack of CONFIDENCE. Children inherently know when they have a learning problem and this causes them to avoid learning tasks, which in turn provides less opportunity for mastery... a vicious cycle!

I hereby commit to positive parenting... I will build my kids up and be proud of all their efforts, successful or not. For success lies in the DESIRE TO LEARN and not merely the learning itself!

Paranoid parent part2

On the road today I saw many children walking  home from school, some of them as young as 6 years old. And it got me wondering again about my ever increasing worry about the safety and security of my children. At first I watched these children walking on busy roadsides by themselves and thinking how can their parents feel secure to let them roam the streets on their own. then I remembered... hang on... when I was in "Sub A" I walked home with a girl in my class and it wasn't a short walk by any means, especially not for little legs. so has the world changed that much or is this just a case of priviledged living. See admittedly, driving in Fordsburg, these children were clearly not from the type of families where mummy or daddy and certainly no nanny is gonna be able to pick them up by car or by foot or by any other means. Growing up we felt secure in the area I lived and went to school, certainly not a poverty-stricken area, but definately not the priviledged lifestyle my children are growing up in. You know the one, where I can afford to stay home with my kids and drive them to school, etc...

Then I was watching Oprah and Madelaine Mcann's parents were on the show, and I was reminded... that's why I am so "paranoid" about my children's safety. The amount of children abducted has increased immenselyover the years and it scares me to death that I should have to experience such an ordeal. My heart really goes out to any parents that have ever lost a child in any way. And you know what, loving my children this much, makes me appreciate my own parents more to the same degree.

My brave Girl!

So the injections went well again just like the last time. just before, Sumayah was all smiles with the nurse and she kept saying, "Aah I don't like it went they all smily with me..." and i keot thinking, "so she doesn't feel bad stabbing a grumpy baby?" But back to Sumayah, she cried when that ever so long needle pierced her thighs but as soon as I picked her up she stopped and guess what? She actually started smiling again! She is such a brave little soul. The nurse warned me that the second injection is usually worse than the first as she will be more unsettled this time, but it actually wasn't too bad. She did need a little extra love and attention, but overall i think the Panado did a good job settling her! Now she has to go again next month! I don't remember going so often with Bilaal, but I guess the schedule has changed somewhat and now there's still the new measles vaccine at 9 months too.

I sommer got to ask the nurse about introducing solids, because S has been more unsettled at night lately, not sleeping as well as before. She said I could start the cereal no problem. On the one hand I am so excited to start this new milestone, but on the other hand introducing solids means alot of extra feeding to add to the schedule. it's wierd it's like you want them to grow and develop, but at the same time you really just want to keep them so cute and cuddly for as long as you can, cos you blink your eye and you find yourself applying for grade R already... but that's a topic for another blog entry all on its own!

Eina! Injections!

Sumayah is going for her second shots this morning, shame, even though she was actually very brave last time, I still feel so nervous on injection morning. One would thing having been through it all with Bilaal it would be old hat for me, but it's not. I think the whole idea of my little beautiful angel being punctured with that long needle is more of an ordeal for me than for her. She didn't even cry that much the last time. Wish us luck!

Kids say the darndest things

I found the book where I had started recording some of the sweet and funny things Bilaal says and had a good ooh and aaah and a little chuckle.

One morning Bilaal told his dad, "I want to be your grandfather". When we told him that wasn't possible he was quite upset. When we asked him why, he said, "'cos I want to live with you when I'm old"!

Then there was the day I fetched him from school and he asked me if I got the message from his dad. So I asked him what message he said, "I told daddy to send you a message today to say that he love you".
When I asked Yaasier about this he confirmed that Bilaal did infact ask him to do that because "mommy will like that".

He really is a very charming boy, many of the girls' mommies at his school often come up to me to tell me that he is so sweet and charming because he comes up to them and gives them hugs and kisses and tells them they are beautiful... can you imagine what a problem I'm gonna have with the girls when he is a teenager!

Then there's the morning I was in a bit of a foul mood and he said to Yaasier, "mommy's cross today, you better be on your best behaviour"! That was certainly a clue that I should lighten up.

There are also many funny quips when it comes to Bilaals great-granny. When he was much younger, about 2 he asked her why she had snakes in her hands... he was of course referring to the veins and wrinkles on her hands! and then more recently... now you must understand that Mama Gaya is hard of hearing in the one ear, which we are all aware of, especially Bilaal. Bilaal like playing a game where he pretends to tell you secrets by whispering swee nothings in your ear. This one day we were driving so he obviously couldn't whisper in my ear, so he says to Mama Gaya, "close your one ear that you can hear with, I want to tell mommy a secret". We had such a good chuckle that day.

One thing, he really loves his Mama Gaya. When my mom phoned from the UK the day before she was coming to visit for Sumayah's birth, she told Bilaal she was going to bring the movie Mama Mia. Bilaal became quite agitated with her and said, "but why do you want to bring Mama Mia, I already have a Mama Gaya anfd a Mama Zarina (grandmother), I don't need a Mama Mia..."

Now Bilaal has adjusted very well to his new sister... the only time he showed some insecurity before she was born was when I set up the cot in my room. He had already asked us before this where she was going to sleep, 'cos he normally cuddled with us in the mornings so he was worried there wouldn't be space for him anymore. So when I had the cot up I asked him, "can you see now where the baby's gonna sleep?", to which he replied, "Ya, but why is the cot in your room?"
So I asked him where he thought the cot was supposed to go, and Bilaal replies, "downstairs..." with an uncertain smile on his face. Now you must understand, all our bedrooms are upstairs with the kitchen and living areas downstairs. SO I asked him how can the baby sleep downstairs all alone in the cold while we all sleeping warm and snuggly upstairs? He thought about this for a bit till he finally said, "but she can have blankets to keep her warm".

Then of course there was the day Sumayah was born. She was born at 1.15 in the morning so Bilaal came with his dad to see us in the hospital later that morning. He peered into the cot and the very first words that came out of his mouth was, "I'm your brother... and I'm first"! But bless him he loves her to bits now. The first thing he does every morning is peer into her cot to greet her, he even uses the bay tone us adults use when we coo at babies.

Dealing with Discipline

Today we took Bilaal to a party. He was looking forward to this party since Monday when his dad brought the invitation home. He was counting sleeps off every night and then this morning we almost didn't go! He was being very naughty and I kept threatening that if he didn't behave he wouldn't go, until finally it was the last straw and his dad told him we were going to stay home. It broke my heart when he cried so bitterly, especially because I knew how excited he was. For goodness sake the child was awake at 6am already! But at the same time, I had given him numerous warnings, but he just kept acting like a spoiled brat. After a lot of crying and 'discussions' with dad, they came to a compromise. Bilaal was tasked with cleaning up his room and thinking about his behaviour, and then to come and tell us how he was going to change his behaviour. After some more discussion we agreed that he could still go to the party. It just got me thinking though that as children we don't realise that it isn't easy for parents to discipline and especially to know what the right discipline is... does the punishment fit the crime so to speak. I do believe though that a united front between parents is crucial. There have been many times when Yaasier and I have disagreed about discipline, but we always discuss it in afrikaans or away from little ears. I just hope we are doing the best we can for our little boy, who really is a very good boy most of the time!

Now I feel bad

I feel so lame, I know I can sometime skel too much with my boy and I try my hardest not to be short-tempered with him, but I do... like today... and then he says or does something to make me feel so bad and reminds me that he is a really sweet boy and I need to remember that he is only 4!

Well today he broke all the petals off the newly bloomed roses in our garden. I scold at him asking him why he did that, and you know what he said with tears in his eyes?
"I was just trying to get it off for you to put in your hair, that's all"

Aaah man! how could I be mad at him for that?

What mothers do all day...

A friend of mine posted this on facebook... definately a keeper.


A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

Yeah baby!

Paranoid Mum?

My boy is only 4 years old and in this day and age, can one really be too paranoid. See, we live in a secure complex in North JHB and recently a new neighbour moved in next door with a 6-yr old son and we recently met the boy across the parking who can be about 10 or 11. Well my little 4-yr old started playing with them just outside our gate, but I could hear them all the time and could keep an eye on them, and few times they came to play in my son's room. Well today he the big boy wanted to show Bilaal something at his house so reluctantly I said he could go. Why 'reluctantly' you ask? Well this is where the paranoid part comes in... Even though we are in a secure complex, I just don't feel confident letting my little boy walk around even if he is with a bigger boy. I found myself constantly going to the gate to see if they were still at the house opposite (I can see their silhouettes through the window). Now I ask again... am I just an over-paranoid mom? I did explain to Bilaal that I don't want him going anywhere without me knowing where he is, so if they decide to go to the other neighbour's house he needs to first come tell me.

I mean I remember as I child we lived in one of those small close knit community type neighbourhoods where we all knew each other personally and the kids all played in street in the afternoons. All the neighbours' children were always galavanting about at each other's houses. And my brother was only 4-yrs old at the time yet he was always on the go... in todays day and age I would NEVER allow that. I remember when it got to 5 o'clock my sister or I would simply stand in our yard and shout at the top of our lungs, "Raaammmeeeez!" because we didn't know whose house he was at and that was the easiest way to get him to come home. One of the neighbours would hear and let him know we were calling him.

I also remember climbing on the roof and trying to balance on the front wall of the house, now I scold at Bilaal for jumping off the couch! Are parents today too protective of our children, are we too safety conscious?

Sleepless Night

I had a really bad night with Sumayah last night. So far she has been quite easy. She usually has her last feed at about 9pm then she sleeps till about 3am-ish. Last night she was so very restless. I bathed her, fed her and she had her usual nap till 9, but after that she just wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. Everytime I put her down in her cot, 5 minutes later she'd be awake again. This went on till about 3.30 in the morning, so as you can imagine I was totally zonked! And then to top it all, depsite this lack of sleep, she was her usual bright-eyed self at 7am! Of course it didn't help that when I had to give her the 6am feed, I had to pretty much lie on the end of the bed holding Sumayah on a cushion practically off the bed because Bilaal came to creep in between hubby and I this morning! I used to be a huge fan of the Baby Sense franchise, but this whole 'put your baby down drowsy, but awake' deal... I just don't buy it. I tried to accomplish this fete with both my children without success. When I sleep trained Bilaal at 2yrs old, I didn't use the Baby Sense strategy, I rather followed the Dr. Tanya Byron's (from House of Tiny Tearaways on BBC) method and within a week he was falling asleep on  his own, in his own bed, all night. Of course this strategy is very behaviourally based so it can only be used on older babies so Sumayah is still too young.

Well... here's to hoping tonight will be better!

Global Village

When Bilaal was born, my parents were in the UK and my in-laws were in New Zealand. They all came to Cape Town for the birth, but had to leave only a few days after he was born. To see your mother holding your first born and crying bitterly because she is going to fly miles away the next day is heartbreaking. Four years later and it was history repeating itself. Although my in-laws are now in Cape Town, we are now living in Jozi, so when Sumayah was born they came for the birth and almost missed it! I was a week overdue and they were all due to return to work. Unfortunately this time only my mom was able to come from UK. Everytime i speak to my dad on the phone I feel really sad that he hasn't had the opportunity to meet her. They call the world the a global village because of the way generations have spread across the globe and communication has become so accessible across great distances. But when significant life events occur, no means of communication be it skype or video calling, nothing beats the human touch. The ability to hold and hug the people you care about...

My baby girls finger holding my hubby's only about a day after her birth.

Birth Stories

Just after my little girl Sumayah (now 3months old) was born and I was lying in bed till late in the morning after hubby and Bilaal left for work and school, recovering from the night shift, I started watching (rather obsessively) the Zone Reality channel, a programme called Birth Stories. I became addicted to this show, the stories of various women in the US and Canada, in their final trimester and their journeys in the final stretch to the birth. And on more than one occasion I would cry because it was like reliving my own birth every time... minus the pain of course. Thing is both my births were natural with no epidural, and while have delusions about the reality of the pain, those moments when my little boy and my little girl was first placed in my arms, was the most memorable, overwhelming, emotional moments of my life. And I am sure it is the same for most women no matter what type of birth they have.

But even though both my births were natural, they were very different, in fact I would go as far as to say that my first felt more natural than the second. See with my first born I had a midwife and therefore gave birth in the active birth room of the hospital... In my opinion it was like having the best of both worlds, a home-like environment in a hospital setting. The best thing was this total whatever-is-comfortable-for-you attitude the midwife had and the fact that my hubby could sleep over in the birthing room the first night. With my second birth I had a gynae and when i went into hospital the final time (after 3 false alarms) it was all very... medical. I think in a way that was part of the reason I had the false alarms, just as labout was getting under way, I would arrive at the hospital and it would stop. I read an article once in the Living and Loving that the hospital environment has been known to cause women anxiety, which slows labour! I didn't like the fact that I had to just lie there with the monitor thingy and wait. My gynae was wonderful, but isn;t really involved until it's time to push.

Next time I will try to go with a midwife again, but I am not complaining, because I am just grateful I was able to have a natural birth, with no complications and my 2 beautiful children were born healthy, algamdoelillah (praise be to god).

Kids say the darndest things!

There are so many times when my eldest, Bilaal says or does things that are just so funny, but after telling the world and finding the humour is lost on those who don't have kids, well you tend to forget these little quips as time goes by. So recently, I decided to record these moments by writing them down in my little red book. One such instance was when I took him with me for a scan at one of my gynae check-ups and when the doc pointed out the feet on the screen, Bilaal remarked, "why is the baby not wearing any shoes?!"

There are so many, but i figured as long as I'm blogging I may as well use this space to record these quips from my charming little boy... more to follow!

What's on your blogging mind?

I have been playing around with the idea of blogging for quite some time, but it was only with some encouragement from a couple of friends that I actually decided to put myself out there. 'Cos that's exactly what blogging is after all... put your personal self out there. So why decide to blog and how did I choose my topic of interest? Well I realised one day when I was updating my status on facebook and twitter... all my status seems to involve is well... the kids. And then I thought, well most moms could probably relate to that... you become a mom and all other interests and happenings take a back seat. So it made sense to blog about my experiences as a mum. Now let's see if I can actually maintain this fete... yes I am fully aware of how time consuming this can actually be... wish me luck!