Tooth Trouble

Unbearable tooth ache sent me to the dentist yesterday an as I was dreading, I need root canal. If I had only gone a month earlier I wouldn't have needed it, but I needed pain to prompt me to go. But this whole dentist thing also just reminds me that I need to take Bilaal for his first ever visit to the dentist. It is actually long overdue and fortunately he hasn't had any problems with his teeth, but I've been told that children should go for a check-up and polish as soon as they have a full set of teeth!So now I first have to get thus root canal ou the way. But what I've done is to book my next appointment in the afternoon, so Bilaal will have to go with me and that will be his introduction to the dentist... role modelling in action! If he can see his mommy bravely enduring all that scratching around in my mouth it won't be so daunting when it's his turn. Of course this will only work if I actually am brave, Fortunately, with this not being my first root canal I am pretty confident that I won't be flinching with pain. Been there, done that, got the root canal so to speak. If anyone reckons my plan will backfire and have the reverse effect, let me know.

Hide and Seek the Bilaal Way

I can't see you, so you can't see me!

sleep progress

So I been taking my own advice and trying to get Sumayah to fall asleep on her own in the day. So far it works for the morning nap, but the late afternoon nap, when i am most busy is when she puts up a fight. Everytime she cries I pick her up to console her then put her down again, she sleeps about 5 mins in total then she cries again. But i look at the positive side, i'm getting lots of exercise walking up and down the stairs every 5 minutes! I do feel bad though that poor Bilaal has to entertain himself while I juggle cooking and sleep training in the afternoons. The good news is that her for 2 nights in a row now, she has fallen asleep by herself at the night sleep (about 10pm) and has now stretched her sleep to 3.30am. if she keeps this up, hopefully by the end of the week she will be going at least till 4.30am, that's my target for now. When she starts having more solids in the day I will target a later wake time, but she is after all only 3 months old!Speaking of the feeding issue, I'm thinking I'm gonna start her on veggies next week. Apparently sweet potatoe are the least allergenic followed by the squash family, so that's what I'll start with.

The big Eat 'n Sleep debate

Different people have different approaches to the whole sleep issue. With Bilaal I certainly had many a sleepless night until I sleep trained him at age 2. But reflecting back I think I could have achieved this earlier. But that raises the question when is the right age. I know the Baby Sense Franchise encourages it from early on already with their whole "put them down drowsy, but awake" concept. Problem with that is, it didn't work with Bilaal, nor with Sumayah, I tried it from the beginning and once again have a kid that needs to be 'put' to sleep. So I have this one friend who is lucky enough to have a 9 month old she can put wide a awake in her cot and leave the room for the little angel girl to fall asleep all on her own. She informs me that with the first one she wasn't so lucky and was desperate so she sleep trained him with controlled crying. So she did the same with her daughter from birth and hey presto! no sleep problems. Of course the other difference is that she has the cot in another room, I forgot to ask her if this was from the beginning, because I find I don't like to leave Sumayah to cry in the room when I know Yaasier has to go to work the next day. I would be easier if she was in another room, even though that would take away the convenience of having her within arms reach! So perhaps the alternative is to try getting her to sleep on her own in the day and evening?

For the past few nights Sumayah had been waking at about 1 am, then 2 am and finally last night 3 am, so it has been progressively improving. Everytime she wakes I pick her up and put her back to sleep. My aim is to try to get her to sleep till 5am from a 10pm bedtime. Granted she slept most of last night in my arms and I had a rather broken sleep, but I refused to feed her before 5am as she should be going for 8 to 10 hours without a feed at night (according to Baby Sense).

Let's see what happens over the next few nights!

Conversations with a 4-year-old

For some reason it really bothers Bilaal that I don't work, especially because before Sumayah was born I had my own OT practice and he sometimes used to come with me to the office after school. Since I gave up the practice he's asked me on numerous occasions why I don't have an office anymore. i've tried to explain to him many times that I gave up my job to be at home for him and his little sister, but my explaination seems to only bring up more questions. Most recently the conversation went like this...
B: Mommy

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: What does it mean to be fired?

M: When your boss tells you you can't work in your job anymore.

B: Mommy, did you tell your boss you have a Sumayah and a boy that's why you want to be fired?

M: What?! No I wasn't fired! I chose to stop working to look after you and Sumayah

B: Yes so did you tell your boss you want to be fired. How come you then don't go to the office anymore?

Then the other day Bilaal came home one day talking about this new girl at his school named Amy.

B: Mommy I think she's from Scotland.
Me: Why do you say that?
B: She sounds like she's from Scotland because she speak like that
When I asked his teacher about it, she said the girl is infact from England, but she's not sure if its from Scotland.

Then one day we were driving home from school and the conversation went something like this...

Bilaal: Mommy...

Me: Yes Bilaal?

B: How do people get married?

M: Well , 2 people decide they want to be with each other forever, then they sign a contract to promise each other they will stay together.

B: So can you get married if you a child?

M (with both amusement and curiosity): No why? Is there someone you want to marry?

B: Yes, but its a secret adventure

M: Oh it's a secret... is it someone at school?

B: Yes

M: is it Robby Rue? (His favourite friend Robyn)

B: No

M: Is it the new girl Amy?

B: Yes

M: Why do you want to marry her?

B: I like the way she sounds...

Then yestersay Bilaal was telling me about another girl friend at his school...
B: Mommy...

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: Eden's said her daddy told her she can go on a trip by herself

M: mmm (listening but not really)

B: Her daddy is unrespectable

M: Unrespectable?! (that certainly got my attention). What do you mean?

B: Yes because he told her she can go alone, so I told her he's unrespectable

M: You mean you told Eden her daddy is unrespectable? Do you know what that means?

B: I don't think he must let Eden go on her own...

M: but you can't just tell people their parents are unrespectable... what did Eden say when you told her that?

B: Nothing

M: would you like it if someone said that about your daddy?

B: No

When I told Yaasier about this conversation he said Bilaal probably meant 'irresponsible'! Where he comes up with these things I don't know!

Yum Yum

So the cereal eating is going well in the sense that Sumayah is enjoying it lots, but it hasn't really made much difference to her sleeping. She still wakes at about 2am for a feed??! I don't know if it's just habit or what. This morning I started giving the cereal in the morning too, because for the past 2 mornings she's been hungry between feeding times in the mornings. So we shall see how it goes tonight.

Our adventure with Food begins

Last week Thursday, on the advice of the nurse at the clinic, I started giving Sumayah cereal in the evening. I was so relieved she took to it very well. But at the same time, i wasn't really surprised. I know lots of people struggle with feeding so I feel very blessed that Bilaal never had an eating issue and hopefully it doesn't seem Sumayah will either. I think I just have greedy children... not surprising when they have a mother who loves to chow down! I was both excited and nervous to start solids - excited because it's such a new milestone in our relationship, but nervous because it means we are embarking on a whole new adventure that ultimately means more time, new problems, and the biggest one... it means my baby's growing so fast! Next thing you know she's gonna be crawling around the house scratching out all manner of things!

My clever boy!

I don't recall at the age of 4, being able to add already? Mommy if you read this... could I add at aged 4? I know every parent think their child is the most gorgeous, most super intelligent in the world (as it should be), but seriously I am super impressed with my kid! This morning he kept coming to me with different simple additions like 1+1=2. Now I was already impressed he can now add simple number under 5 on his fingers, but then he came out with 6+6=12 and with only a little help could figure out 10+10=20! Well needless to say this game continued all morning cos he could tell I was proud of him and kids are like that - once they've cottoned onto something fun or something they did well, they become obsessed with it. I guess that is why its so important we always build our kids up by letting them know how proud we are even when they just TRY something. As an occupational therapist, I often cam across children who struggle with a learning difficulty, but you know what their biggest barrier to learning is?...Lack of CONFIDENCE. Children inherently know when they have a learning problem and this causes them to avoid learning tasks, which in turn provides less opportunity for mastery... a vicious cycle!

I hereby commit to positive parenting... I will build my kids up and be proud of all their efforts, successful or not. For success lies in the DESIRE TO LEARN and not merely the learning itself!

Paranoid parent part2

On the road today I saw many children walking  home from school, some of them as young as 6 years old. And it got me wondering again about my ever increasing worry about the safety and security of my children. At first I watched these children walking on busy roadsides by themselves and thinking how can their parents feel secure to let them roam the streets on their own. then I remembered... hang on... when I was in "Sub A" I walked home with a girl in my class and it wasn't a short walk by any means, especially not for little legs. so has the world changed that much or is this just a case of priviledged living. See admittedly, driving in Fordsburg, these children were clearly not from the type of families where mummy or daddy and certainly no nanny is gonna be able to pick them up by car or by foot or by any other means. Growing up we felt secure in the area I lived and went to school, certainly not a poverty-stricken area, but definately not the priviledged lifestyle my children are growing up in. You know the one, where I can afford to stay home with my kids and drive them to school, etc...

Then I was watching Oprah and Madelaine Mcann's parents were on the show, and I was reminded... that's why I am so "paranoid" about my children's safety. The amount of children abducted has increased immenselyover the years and it scares me to death that I should have to experience such an ordeal. My heart really goes out to any parents that have ever lost a child in any way. And you know what, loving my children this much, makes me appreciate my own parents more to the same degree.

My brave Girl!

So the injections went well again just like the last time. just before, Sumayah was all smiles with the nurse and she kept saying, "Aah I don't like it went they all smily with me..." and i keot thinking, "so she doesn't feel bad stabbing a grumpy baby?" But back to Sumayah, she cried when that ever so long needle pierced her thighs but as soon as I picked her up she stopped and guess what? She actually started smiling again! She is such a brave little soul. The nurse warned me that the second injection is usually worse than the first as she will be more unsettled this time, but it actually wasn't too bad. She did need a little extra love and attention, but overall i think the Panado did a good job settling her! Now she has to go again next month! I don't remember going so often with Bilaal, but I guess the schedule has changed somewhat and now there's still the new measles vaccine at 9 months too.

I sommer got to ask the nurse about introducing solids, because S has been more unsettled at night lately, not sleeping as well as before. She said I could start the cereal no problem. On the one hand I am so excited to start this new milestone, but on the other hand introducing solids means alot of extra feeding to add to the schedule. it's wierd it's like you want them to grow and develop, but at the same time you really just want to keep them so cute and cuddly for as long as you can, cos you blink your eye and you find yourself applying for grade R already... but that's a topic for another blog entry all on its own!

Eina! Injections!

Sumayah is going for her second shots this morning, shame, even though she was actually very brave last time, I still feel so nervous on injection morning. One would thing having been through it all with Bilaal it would be old hat for me, but it's not. I think the whole idea of my little beautiful angel being punctured with that long needle is more of an ordeal for me than for her. She didn't even cry that much the last time. Wish us luck!

Kids say the darndest things

I found the book where I had started recording some of the sweet and funny things Bilaal says and had a good ooh and aaah and a little chuckle.

One morning Bilaal told his dad, "I want to be your grandfather". When we told him that wasn't possible he was quite upset. When we asked him why, he said, "'cos I want to live with you when I'm old"!

Then there was the day I fetched him from school and he asked me if I got the message from his dad. So I asked him what message he said, "I told daddy to send you a message today to say that he love you".
When I asked Yaasier about this he confirmed that Bilaal did infact ask him to do that because "mommy will like that".

He really is a very charming boy, many of the girls' mommies at his school often come up to me to tell me that he is so sweet and charming because he comes up to them and gives them hugs and kisses and tells them they are beautiful... can you imagine what a problem I'm gonna have with the girls when he is a teenager!

Then there's the morning I was in a bit of a foul mood and he said to Yaasier, "mommy's cross today, you better be on your best behaviour"! That was certainly a clue that I should lighten up.

There are also many funny quips when it comes to Bilaals great-granny. When he was much younger, about 2 he asked her why she had snakes in her hands... he was of course referring to the veins and wrinkles on her hands! and then more recently... now you must understand that Mama Gaya is hard of hearing in the one ear, which we are all aware of, especially Bilaal. Bilaal like playing a game where he pretends to tell you secrets by whispering swee nothings in your ear. This one day we were driving so he obviously couldn't whisper in my ear, so he says to Mama Gaya, "close your one ear that you can hear with, I want to tell mommy a secret". We had such a good chuckle that day.

One thing, he really loves his Mama Gaya. When my mom phoned from the UK the day before she was coming to visit for Sumayah's birth, she told Bilaal she was going to bring the movie Mama Mia. Bilaal became quite agitated with her and said, "but why do you want to bring Mama Mia, I already have a Mama Gaya anfd a Mama Zarina (grandmother), I don't need a Mama Mia..."

Now Bilaal has adjusted very well to his new sister... the only time he showed some insecurity before she was born was when I set up the cot in my room. He had already asked us before this where she was going to sleep, 'cos he normally cuddled with us in the mornings so he was worried there wouldn't be space for him anymore. So when I had the cot up I asked him, "can you see now where the baby's gonna sleep?", to which he replied, "Ya, but why is the cot in your room?"
So I asked him where he thought the cot was supposed to go, and Bilaal replies, "downstairs..." with an uncertain smile on his face. Now you must understand, all our bedrooms are upstairs with the kitchen and living areas downstairs. SO I asked him how can the baby sleep downstairs all alone in the cold while we all sleeping warm and snuggly upstairs? He thought about this for a bit till he finally said, "but she can have blankets to keep her warm".

Then of course there was the day Sumayah was born. She was born at 1.15 in the morning so Bilaal came with his dad to see us in the hospital later that morning. He peered into the cot and the very first words that came out of his mouth was, "I'm your brother... and I'm first"! But bless him he loves her to bits now. The first thing he does every morning is peer into her cot to greet her, he even uses the bay tone us adults use when we coo at babies.

Dealing with Discipline

Today we took Bilaal to a party. He was looking forward to this party since Monday when his dad brought the invitation home. He was counting sleeps off every night and then this morning we almost didn't go! He was being very naughty and I kept threatening that if he didn't behave he wouldn't go, until finally it was the last straw and his dad told him we were going to stay home. It broke my heart when he cried so bitterly, especially because I knew how excited he was. For goodness sake the child was awake at 6am already! But at the same time, I had given him numerous warnings, but he just kept acting like a spoiled brat. After a lot of crying and 'discussions' with dad, they came to a compromise. Bilaal was tasked with cleaning up his room and thinking about his behaviour, and then to come and tell us how he was going to change his behaviour. After some more discussion we agreed that he could still go to the party. It just got me thinking though that as children we don't realise that it isn't easy for parents to discipline and especially to know what the right discipline is... does the punishment fit the crime so to speak. I do believe though that a united front between parents is crucial. There have been many times when Yaasier and I have disagreed about discipline, but we always discuss it in afrikaans or away from little ears. I just hope we are doing the best we can for our little boy, who really is a very good boy most of the time!

Now I feel bad

I feel so lame, I know I can sometime skel too much with my boy and I try my hardest not to be short-tempered with him, but I do... like today... and then he says or does something to make me feel so bad and reminds me that he is a really sweet boy and I need to remember that he is only 4!

Well today he broke all the petals off the newly bloomed roses in our garden. I scold at him asking him why he did that, and you know what he said with tears in his eyes?
"I was just trying to get it off for you to put in your hair, that's all"

Aaah man! how could I be mad at him for that?

What mothers do all day...

A friend of mine posted this on facebook... definately a keeper.


A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

Yeah baby!

Paranoid Mum?

My boy is only 4 years old and in this day and age, can one really be too paranoid. See, we live in a secure complex in North JHB and recently a new neighbour moved in next door with a 6-yr old son and we recently met the boy across the parking who can be about 10 or 11. Well my little 4-yr old started playing with them just outside our gate, but I could hear them all the time and could keep an eye on them, and few times they came to play in my son's room. Well today he the big boy wanted to show Bilaal something at his house so reluctantly I said he could go. Why 'reluctantly' you ask? Well this is where the paranoid part comes in... Even though we are in a secure complex, I just don't feel confident letting my little boy walk around even if he is with a bigger boy. I found myself constantly going to the gate to see if they were still at the house opposite (I can see their silhouettes through the window). Now I ask again... am I just an over-paranoid mom? I did explain to Bilaal that I don't want him going anywhere without me knowing where he is, so if they decide to go to the other neighbour's house he needs to first come tell me.

I mean I remember as I child we lived in one of those small close knit community type neighbourhoods where we all knew each other personally and the kids all played in street in the afternoons. All the neighbours' children were always galavanting about at each other's houses. And my brother was only 4-yrs old at the time yet he was always on the go... in todays day and age I would NEVER allow that. I remember when it got to 5 o'clock my sister or I would simply stand in our yard and shout at the top of our lungs, "Raaammmeeeez!" because we didn't know whose house he was at and that was the easiest way to get him to come home. One of the neighbours would hear and let him know we were calling him.

I also remember climbing on the roof and trying to balance on the front wall of the house, now I scold at Bilaal for jumping off the couch! Are parents today too protective of our children, are we too safety conscious?

Sleepless Night

I had a really bad night with Sumayah last night. So far she has been quite easy. She usually has her last feed at about 9pm then she sleeps till about 3am-ish. Last night she was so very restless. I bathed her, fed her and she had her usual nap till 9, but after that she just wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. Everytime I put her down in her cot, 5 minutes later she'd be awake again. This went on till about 3.30 in the morning, so as you can imagine I was totally zonked! And then to top it all, depsite this lack of sleep, she was her usual bright-eyed self at 7am! Of course it didn't help that when I had to give her the 6am feed, I had to pretty much lie on the end of the bed holding Sumayah on a cushion practically off the bed because Bilaal came to creep in between hubby and I this morning! I used to be a huge fan of the Baby Sense franchise, but this whole 'put your baby down drowsy, but awake' deal... I just don't buy it. I tried to accomplish this fete with both my children without success. When I sleep trained Bilaal at 2yrs old, I didn't use the Baby Sense strategy, I rather followed the Dr. Tanya Byron's (from House of Tiny Tearaways on BBC) method and within a week he was falling asleep on  his own, in his own bed, all night. Of course this strategy is very behaviourally based so it can only be used on older babies so Sumayah is still too young.

Well... here's to hoping tonight will be better!

Global Village

When Bilaal was born, my parents were in the UK and my in-laws were in New Zealand. They all came to Cape Town for the birth, but had to leave only a few days after he was born. To see your mother holding your first born and crying bitterly because she is going to fly miles away the next day is heartbreaking. Four years later and it was history repeating itself. Although my in-laws are now in Cape Town, we are now living in Jozi, so when Sumayah was born they came for the birth and almost missed it! I was a week overdue and they were all due to return to work. Unfortunately this time only my mom was able to come from UK. Everytime i speak to my dad on the phone I feel really sad that he hasn't had the opportunity to meet her. They call the world the a global village because of the way generations have spread across the globe and communication has become so accessible across great distances. But when significant life events occur, no means of communication be it skype or video calling, nothing beats the human touch. The ability to hold and hug the people you care about...

My baby girls finger holding my hubby's only about a day after her birth.

Birth Stories

Just after my little girl Sumayah (now 3months old) was born and I was lying in bed till late in the morning after hubby and Bilaal left for work and school, recovering from the night shift, I started watching (rather obsessively) the Zone Reality channel, a programme called Birth Stories. I became addicted to this show, the stories of various women in the US and Canada, in their final trimester and their journeys in the final stretch to the birth. And on more than one occasion I would cry because it was like reliving my own birth every time... minus the pain of course. Thing is both my births were natural with no epidural, and while have delusions about the reality of the pain, those moments when my little boy and my little girl was first placed in my arms, was the most memorable, overwhelming, emotional moments of my life. And I am sure it is the same for most women no matter what type of birth they have.

But even though both my births were natural, they were very different, in fact I would go as far as to say that my first felt more natural than the second. See with my first born I had a midwife and therefore gave birth in the active birth room of the hospital... In my opinion it was like having the best of both worlds, a home-like environment in a hospital setting. The best thing was this total whatever-is-comfortable-for-you attitude the midwife had and the fact that my hubby could sleep over in the birthing room the first night. With my second birth I had a gynae and when i went into hospital the final time (after 3 false alarms) it was all very... medical. I think in a way that was part of the reason I had the false alarms, just as labout was getting under way, I would arrive at the hospital and it would stop. I read an article once in the Living and Loving that the hospital environment has been known to cause women anxiety, which slows labour! I didn't like the fact that I had to just lie there with the monitor thingy and wait. My gynae was wonderful, but isn;t really involved until it's time to push.

Next time I will try to go with a midwife again, but I am not complaining, because I am just grateful I was able to have a natural birth, with no complications and my 2 beautiful children were born healthy, algamdoelillah (praise be to god).