Midgets and Swear Words!

Every parent has stories of their children doing or saying something in public that just makes tnem cringe with embarrassment. Well, I am no exception! I have my fair share of tomatoe cheeks in the 4 years of Bilaal's existence. Unfortunately (or maybe for my sake fortunately?) I cannot remember all of them. The earliest embarrassing moment I do recall was when he was still very young, I can't remember how old, but he was just transitioning from nonsensical sounds to purposeful articulations (a fancy way of saying he was starting to speak!) Anyway, so he had this humungous duck that he absolutely loved. It was twice his size and he used to sleep with his arm draped over the duck's neck. So naturally the first animal sound he was taught was "quack". But this was too complicated an assimilation of letters for Bilaal at the time so instead he said "kak"! So everytime he saw a duck he would point and shout excitedly "KAK! KAK!" One day I was standing in Ackermans in Kenilworth Centre in Cape Town, waiting in line to pay or my goods when horror of horrors Bilaali spotted a duck! And true as peas he proceeded to point and with much zeal and animated frenzy shouted "KAK! KAK!" Now I was faced with a dilemma do I ditch my probably-don't-need-but-at-the-time-think-I-can't-do-without sale items; or do I just pretend I didn't hear and hope he doesn't repeat it. Well I stayed and he did! So I thought... how do I explain to the disgusted Antie in front of me that I do not teach my child to express such vulgar profanities without directly addressing her. So I simply said to Bilaal, "Yes, my boy, that's a duck and it goes "quack, quack!"

Now bearing in mind if that happened today with Sumayah I wouldn't care less what the people around me thought, I just don't get embarrassed for such minor transgressions anymore. But there are some things that will always be embarrassing. Like the first time Bilaal saw a midget. Now fortunately for me I am retelling this story as it was told to me because I wasn't with Bilaal on this occasion. He was with his granny in a supermarket called Tesco in the UK. Apparently a midget man stood a few paces away from Bilaal in one of the aisles looking up at the shelves. Bilaal looked, turned toward him then said, "Tell me... why you so small?" Fortnuately the man took it in good humour and simply answered, "because I can't grow". But that didn't stop the Bilaali inquisition because he then asked, "but why you can't grow?" At which point my mom intervented and swiftly moved him along.

On another occasion Bilaal was on a bus with his granny and great-granny travelling from Shepperton to Kingston when 2 Pakistani women sat near them and started talking with heavy Pakistani accents. They were chatting away when Bilaal remarked very loudly to be heard over the bus engine, "Ma, why do they talk so funny? They not making any sense."

So I may have been spared those 2 particular times, but I remember a time in the shops with me as well. See for a long time, and somtimes today still, Bilaal would describe people by the colour of their clothes. So if you wore predominantly pink you would be the pink one, or a man wearing blue would be the blue one, etc. Of course other people don't know this, they just hear talk of the white man or the black lady... you catch my drift? So one day we were in Sainsbury's and Bilaal was very intrigued by the security at the door because he was just going through a period of fascination with police and security and 'baddies'. He was still a little confused thinking that the security was a baddy because he caught those who did bad things and I was trying to explain it to him. So as we were walking out of the shop Bilaal pointed at the security who was wearing black, but also happended to be a black man and called out, "Mommy, so is the black man a baddy?" I don't know who heard because I was at my car in no time!

I'm sure there are many others, if I remember I'll be sure to post it!