I want to have my cake AND eat it!

When Bilaal was born I stopped working to be a stay-at-home mom, but 3 months down the line I started to feel mentally unchallenged, aka, bored! So I decided to take up a Masters degree (yeah I know what possessed me). But actually I really enjoyed it, I only had to attend lectures for 1 week per term and then completed my assignment inmy own time. Yes I know there isn't much of "own time" when you have a baby... it certainly was challenging, but I managed and it was worth it. Then through my involvement with the university I landed a stint as a student fieldwork supervisor, also part-time. SoI was juggling looking after my boy and working and it was difficult but I was determined not to give up my stay-at-home mommy status.

Well now I have 2! And once again I find myself at home mentally unchallenged. But this time the studies are not on the books, because, well it costs money and I'm not ready to make that investment unless I know I can handle it, and I have serious doubts. So i nstead I have taken up freelance writing. It's not ideal because I'm straying from my profession as an Occupational Therapist and I am really worried that I will lose my OT knowledge the longer I am out of practicing, but as they say: you can't have your cake and eat it! My ideal sitaution would be if I could practice from home on a part-time basis then I would be happy to employ a nanny. Anything else is not really desirable to me.

With this freelancing business, I work inthe mornings or late at night, often times finishing articles with Sumayah sleeping on my lap, her head resting in the crook of my arm and me typing away...
So this is not an ideal situation, but it's the only way I know to defy the saying because I want to have my cake and eat it!

Conversations with a 4-year-old

For some reason it really bothers Bilaal that I don't work, especially because before Sumayah was born I had my own OT practice and he sometimes used to come with me to the office after school. Since I gave up the practice he's asked me on numerous occasions why I don't have an office anymore. i've tried to explain to him many times that I gave up my job to be at home for him and his little sister, but my explaination seems to only bring up more questions. Most recently the conversation went like this...
B: Mommy

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: What does it mean to be fired?

M: When your boss tells you you can't work in your job anymore.

B: Mommy, did you tell your boss you have a Sumayah and a boy that's why you want to be fired?

M: What?! No I wasn't fired! I chose to stop working to look after you and Sumayah

B: Yes so did you tell your boss you want to be fired. How come you then don't go to the office anymore?

Then the other day Bilaal came home one day talking about this new girl at his school named Amy.

B: Mommy I think she's from Scotland.
Me: Why do you say that?
B: She sounds like she's from Scotland because she speak like that
When I asked his teacher about it, she said the girl is infact from England, but she's not sure if its from Scotland.

Then one day we were driving home from school and the conversation went something like this...

Bilaal: Mommy...

Me: Yes Bilaal?

B: How do people get married?

M: Well , 2 people decide they want to be with each other forever, then they sign a contract to promise each other they will stay together.

B: So can you get married if you a child?

M (with both amusement and curiosity): No why? Is there someone you want to marry?

B: Yes, but its a secret adventure

M: Oh it's a secret... is it someone at school?

B: Yes

M: is it Robby Rue? (His favourite friend Robyn)

B: No

M: Is it the new girl Amy?

B: Yes

M: Why do you want to marry her?

B: I like the way she sounds...

Then yestersay Bilaal was telling me about another girl friend at his school...
B: Mommy...

M: Yes Bilaal?

B: Eden's said her daddy told her she can go on a trip by herself

M: mmm (listening but not really)

B: Her daddy is unrespectable

M: Unrespectable?! (that certainly got my attention). What do you mean?

B: Yes because he told her she can go alone, so I told her he's unrespectable

M: You mean you told Eden her daddy is unrespectable? Do you know what that means?

B: I don't think he must let Eden go on her own...

M: but you can't just tell people their parents are unrespectable... what did Eden say when you told her that?

B: Nothing

M: would you like it if someone said that about your daddy?

B: No

When I told Yaasier about this conversation he said Bilaal probably meant 'irresponsible'! Where he comes up with these things I don't know!