The Calm before the Storm

This well known expression is the perfect description for my kids. Bilaal has always been a little gentleman. Yaasier refers to him as our 'heart' because he is so caring and considerate of how others feel. He relishes in the approval of others, but also has a yearning to do whats 'right'. Bilaal is also very pedantic and needs everything to have order and structure. From very young he used to play with his cars by placing them in neat, tight rows, calling them traffic jams. His pretend play would always involve good and bad charracters with some element of law making. He responded almost too well to routine in that if you introduce something a certain way more than once, do not dare try to do it any other way again. Everybody must sit in exactly the same place, when you greet him at bedtime you must say the same thing in the same order or he can't go to sleep! He has outgrown some of his little OCD type reactions but he still craves and thrives by the predictable, ordered way of life.

Then... Sumayah came along... And turned Bilaals world upside down. She is definately like the storm that comes suddenly after the calm. It never ceases to amaze me how 2 people from the same parents can be so completely opposite in character. Yaasier calls her our 'spirit' because she is so spirited yet so loving. Sumayah just does things with confidence and carefree enthusiasm. There is no such thing as 'can't' with Sumayah. I know all children go through the terrible twos and they don't listen etc, but Sumayah is just so completely stubborn and independent-minded that she seems to take the naughitness to a whole new level. Structure and order are certainly not her thing! When she plays with cars or blocks its all about creating chaos, often ending in her enthusiastically smashing her creations or throwing everything with vigor... And not out of naughtiness, but genuine enjoyment. She is the child that writes on the walls and floors with black koki, or empties a tub of aqueous cream on her body in the middle of the night. She is that little girl on the playground who makes the little boys cry. Our neighbour whose son is the same age says that she noticed he has become alot more assertive in playgroup since playing with Sumayah so she loves that Sumayah is 'manning' him up. Yet in the same vain she is very loving and sincere. She shows so much affection to everyone and always wants to 'help'. Sometimes her 'helping' doesn't go down too well because she is so rough but she really means well and I am sure as she grows up this will be one of her most beautiful traits.

So we have heart and spirit... I have to wonder what number 3 is going to be like. The time is drawing near now and I am getting excited to meet the little guy who will be joining our  family.

Wait till your father gets home!

I really don't understand it. Yaasier and I have pretty much the same ethos when it comes to discipline. And when we do disagree, we agree not to disagree infront of Bilaal... you know... the whole united front thingy. So what I don't understand is, why, if I am just as strict as Yaasier, all Bilaal seems to care about is that daddy musn't be angry or upset with him. For example, whenever I reprimand him about something when Yaasier is home he will always say, "don't say so loud mommy otherwise daddy will hear." Nevermind that i am clearly angry with him. Or when he deliberately disobeys me  and I ground him from the neighbours or place a ban on one of his favourite activities... he sulks of course... but then always follows with, "but don't tell daddy".

I always vowed not to be one of those wait-till-your-father-gets-home kinda moms, but alas! My destiny as a traditionally stereotypical mom awaits! I just don't get it. When daddy says, no Bilaal don't do xyz, he listens, not showing his frustrations at not being able to do whatever bright idea that is actually incredibly dangerous thing he wanted to do. But when I tell him not to do something, he moans and sulks and sometimes even tries to hurt me (like today when he angrily wheeled one of his toy monster trucks into my legs because I told him not to launch it off the table in Sumayah's direction because it could smash into her face by accident. Not to mention the terrible marks it makes on the table top.) So I launched the dreaded threat-line, "must I tell your daddy about your behaviour?"

Gone is the easy-to-manipulate-into-desired-behaviour little boy who used to shower with me with endless amounts of hugs and kisses and I love yous. Hello to the child who's outgrown toddlerhood in the blink of an eye. I am entering a whole new phase of parenting and it scares the shit out of me!

Dealing with Discipline

Today we took Bilaal to a party. He was looking forward to this party since Monday when his dad brought the invitation home. He was counting sleeps off every night and then this morning we almost didn't go! He was being very naughty and I kept threatening that if he didn't behave he wouldn't go, until finally it was the last straw and his dad told him we were going to stay home. It broke my heart when he cried so bitterly, especially because I knew how excited he was. For goodness sake the child was awake at 6am already! But at the same time, I had given him numerous warnings, but he just kept acting like a spoiled brat. After a lot of crying and 'discussions' with dad, they came to a compromise. Bilaal was tasked with cleaning up his room and thinking about his behaviour, and then to come and tell us how he was going to change his behaviour. After some more discussion we agreed that he could still go to the party. It just got me thinking though that as children we don't realise that it isn't easy for parents to discipline and especially to know what the right discipline is... does the punishment fit the crime so to speak. I do believe though that a united front between parents is crucial. There have been many times when Yaasier and I have disagreed about discipline, but we always discuss it in afrikaans or away from little ears. I just hope we are doing the best we can for our little boy, who really is a very good boy most of the time!