Big girl pants

I make no claims to be any kind of expert in potty training, but I realised 2nd time round, that successful, stress free potty training really depends on one very important thing...knowing yourself! I hear you saying 'huh? What does that have to do with anything?!' Well in truth it has alot to do with most things on the journey of parenthood. See I am one of those moms who read all the books and articles and websites on various parenting-related matters and there are always opposing views and conflicting ideas about parenting; potty training being one of them.  And what I've come to realise is that none of them are wrong; because all the different methods have both worked and failed. And when you examine each method and the reasons for them either working or failing, you will find the main difference is of course that the subjects, or in this case the parent and child is different. The key really is to have a very clear idea of your own strengths and weaknesses and apply them to the case. So if you are a hyper patient mom, who has the mental and physical endurance to put your child on the toilet every 15 minutes and the emotional patience to deal with accidents then by all means start the potty training process whenever you are ready. On the other hand, if like me you are under no delusions about your tethered and sometimes somewhat non-existent span of patience, and you have an averse reaction to 'accidents' then the key really is to take the lead from your child. I learned from my experience with Bilaal that I did not handle the whole potty training period very well, which had a negative impact on him, so I gave up and put him back on the nappy till one day he just started asking to use the toilet and then I knew he was ready. Of course going to school also plays a huge influence.

So this time with Sumayah I was a little more wise. As someone commented on one of fellow blogger Margot's posts: 'I'm sure it will sort itself out by the time they reach college'. I loved this comment and that's exactly the approach I will be taking. What's the rush? Eventually the kid will use the loo, sleep through the night, etc. If they are developing normally, the best thing we can do as parents is provide as stress free an environment as possible to foster that development. So the approach I took with Sumayah was to gradually introduce the idea of using the toilet, first by putting her on the toilet before bath time and encouraging her to tell me when she wanted to wee. I also always spoke about using the toilet everytime I changed her nappy. I tried using pull-ups for a while, but these proved to make nappy changing more difficult when she made a nr.2 so I abandoned that idea. There were a few toilet successes during this time and she just loved the idea of throwing water on her parts after 'using the toilet'. This went on for about 3 months when she started school. One thing I would definately advise is that potty training should not happen when there are big changes occuring in your child's life. For example, knowing that Sumayah was starting school this year I deliberately delayed official potty training till after I was happy that she was settled in school. I was hoping we could get the potty training well under way before baby nr.3 arrives, but would have been quite happy to delay it till after if I thought she wasn't ready. Changes like these are stressful to kids and will almost sure cause them to regress. Fortunately she was very ready and after a week of being settled in school and loving it, the potty training just occured naturally. I would send her to school in nappies and when I fetched her she wasn't wearing any. The teacher said she was starting to ask to go to the toilet and there were no accidents yet. But I didn't just jump in there and expect full compliance at home too, so I put a nappy back on when we got home, but asked her regularly if she wanted to go, and put her on the toilet everytime she had something to drink. I also told her that at the weekend we would go buy her some special pretty panties and constantly spoke to her about how she was going to wear big girl panties and how exciting it all was. So that's exactly what we did. The saturday we bought her pretty panties and when we got home she was very excited to wear them. I admit I was a bit apprehensive that she wasn't quite ready, but I didn't want to dampen her enthusiasm so off went the nappies. And what do you know, we went 4 straight days wearing panties and no accidents. I even braved the shops with panties on! Later that week there were about 3 accidents, 2 of them disgusting nr.2s, but these were all related to tantrum episodes that were occuring at the time. So far she has been off the nappy during the day time for 2 weeks now and completely asks to go out of her own now. I continued to put the nappy on at night though. As with Bilaal, I will wait to see dry nappies in the morning for at least a continuous week before leaving the nappy off. This week she surprised me by having 3 dry nights and asking to use the toilet when she woke in the morning. So we are well on our way to being a nappy free household... Well at least until baby arrives which could be any time within the next 6 weeks! Watch this space!

So much for 'No Tears'

In a previous post I was very impressed that Sumayah coped so well with her first 3 days of school. Then it was weekend and my folks visited the monday, so I kept her out of school till the thursday. I'm not sure if this is what caused the change, but suddenly the thursday she put up a huge performance that she didn't want to go to school. According the the teacher she cried for a whole hour after I left! The next day was slightly better, she apparently only cried 5 mins after I left. I put this down to the fact that she wanted to be with the grandparents and was hoping today would be better. Alas it wasn't so! She was very enthusiastic about going to school in the morning saying that she would be a good girl and not cry, all the way up to the classroom door in fact. But the minute we stepped into the classroom and she saw another little boy crying, she started to crumble. She started crying saying she wanted to go home and wrapping herself around my neck. There have been times, especially after weekends when she would cry when I left for work and it never bothered me then, perhaps because I knew she was happy and well taken care of at home with her beloved Abegail. But I guess because the school is new to me too, it makes it really hard to leave her like that and trust that we have made the right choice in sending her to school so young. Bilaal started school at the same age and I recall we also had a tearful start, but that just feels like ages ago. We've been so used to a kid who is always excited to go to school, even sometimes asking if he can go to holiday school, that I need to remind myself that Sumayah's reaction is perfectly normal. I just hope that with the normal day to day routine of life settling in this week that the school drop-off will become better. Of course one hurdle overcome usually marks the start of the next in the world of parenthood...for us that next hurdle is Potty Training!

No tears

My previous post was all about choosing the right school for my little baby girl. So on wednesday was her 1st day and even though I was happy with the school I chose, you can't help being nervous and having doubts, because after all you are putting your precious little one in the trust of others. When we arrived at the school she darted toward the playground so that I had to run after her to take her to class. When I said my brief goodbyes, promising to fetch her later, she didn't even cry, but she was also a bit distracted by another little girl who was bawling her eyes out. As I was pulling out I saw the teacher running after her as she tried to make a dash for the playground again. When I fetched her the teacher said she cried a little bit when she realised I was gone, but it didn't take much to distract her and that she settled nicely. What surprised me the most was that she was actually lying quietly on the mattress at nap time when I fetched her. Just as everyone reassured me, she would follow the structure when she sees all the other children doing it. Because I had only just decided on this school the day before I wasn't mentally prepared that she would suddenly be going to school the next day so I fetched her before nap time thinking it would be best for her. But now in hindsight I think this was a mistake. Yesterday I fetched just a little bit later than usual and when I arrived most of the other kids were asleep and although Sumayah was lying still on her mattress she had just started tearing up and when she saw me, started crying. The teacher said she though it was because Sumayah was expecting me to come as I did the 2 days before. When chatting to my good friend about it she made a good point that I probably should have fetched her after nap time from the 1st day, because now she will always expect me to fetch her when the other kids sleep, so if I ever do need to fetch her a bit later she may not be able to sleep. For now its not such a big problem because I will be able to fetch her at 12.30, but later in the year as Bilaal starts doing extra murals and theres another baby, I may need to fetch her a bit later. So I have started talking to her about sleeping at school and reassuring her that I will always fetch, but that she should try to sleep while she's waiting and so on. My hope is that once she's settled in at school and with the whole routine that this will sort itself out too. But for now, I'm just happy that she is happy and enjoying herself at school.

The Night-time Escapades of Sumayah

Yesterday we were out all day for a picnic so Sumayah didn't sleep and then of course fell asleep in the car on the way home. I tried waking her a few times when we got home but she was too tired so I knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep at her usual bedtime. So she and I were lying in bed watching one of my favourate movies, 'The Wedding Planner', me hoping that she will grow sleepy. Skip forward a few hours to midnight, the whole house was dark and quiet, everyone fast asleep...or so I thought. When I turned off my night light to sleep Sumayahs room was quiet so I assumed she was sound asleep in her bed. But I was rudely awoken from my deep sleep when I heard her walking into the room just past midnight with no top on looking like casper the ghost! At first I thought she had gotten her hands on the powder again, but as she approached me I realised that she was in fact smothered in cream, all over her torso! I was partly too sleepy, partly too amused, partly too flabagasted to have any sort of angry reaction to this. When I took her back to her room to clean her up I discovered that what was left in the the 400g tub of aqueous cream was not only all over Sumayahs torso and face, but also on her pillow, her sheets and her duvet! What amused me the most was that this was all done in sneaky silence in a dark room. And this is not the first time either. You see I have been battling with Sumayahs sleep habit for all of her little life. For quite some time we managed to cut the night wakings to just one per night, quickly resolved with a measly 75ml sip of milk. This I could accept, the real problem was getting her to fall asleep in the first place. I would find myself lying in her room for sometimes 2 hours before she slept usually only at about 10. This caused havoc with my nightime marking. But finally this week I tried to implement the sleep training again and within one night she was allowing me to leave her room and she would stay in her bed till she fell asleep. It was like she was just ready, so there were no tantrums only a lot of back and forth putting her back into bed the first night. I guess because she understands alot more now so I could actually use reasoning rather than behaviour modification. But of course in between we had out 'incidences' one of them much like the one I described from last night. She was in her room with the light off talking to herself as usual and then finally it was quiet. We were in bed with the rugby on very softly and I can see her room door from my bed. So I thought it was safe to assume that she was asleep...again, I was mistaken. When we finally turned off the tv and lights to go to sleep I heard a faint sound coming from her room at about 11.30. I decided to investigate only to discover Sumayah sitting on the floor of her dark room with all the toys unpacked from the toy chest, her clothes unpacked from her chest of drawers and scattered all over her bed, and Sumayah with one of her pants halfway up her one leg. When she saw me she casually said, 'Mommy, I'm dressing' as though it was the most natural thing in the world for her to be doing at this hour! Yes, this is Sumayah, our little alien ;)

Movie Clip Monday 9

I am starting to lose track of which videos I've posted already, so I do hope that someone will let me know if they notice a repeat ;-)

Movie Clip Monday 7

movie clip monday 3

This clip was taken in July 2010 right in the midst of world cup fever. Sumayah had just turned 1 that month.

Birth Order

A friend and fellow parent and Bilaal's school sent this to me. It is funny because it is so very true. Although reading it I think I may have skipped 2nd child behaviour in most cases and just went straight to acting like a 3rd time mum! Enjoy :)

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Pregnancy:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette :

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


Dummy:

1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Nappies:

1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached...

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.


At Home:

1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.


GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live!

I think they left a very important category out... the NAPPY BAG!

So here's my contribution:

1st child: you buy the best nappy bag you can afford and you make sure it is always stocked with everything you might possibly need in the event you get stranded on a remote island (even if you are just going to the shop for a loaf of bread)

2nd child: you downgrade to a more 'sensible' normal-looking bag that is at least big enough to carry a change of clothes and food

3rd child: you use your handbag that you sometimes remember to stuff a nappy and some wetwipes into and you don't bother with food, you can give a biscuit or buy some hot chips and an oros somewhere if the kid gets hungry.

Wordless Wednesday 19

Impossible is Nothing

It's amazing how children's personalities develop at such a young age already.We have decided that Sumayah's slogan in Impossible is Nothing. She is one fearless, willful and super determined little girl. When we put her in her playpen, she has started trying to lift herself over. Of course this is not possible because the top of the playgym is at her eyebrow's height, but that won't stop her from trying. She has even managed on a few occasions to lift her body off the ground for a second, hanging only by her fingers! Yep! i am not exaggerating, that is how strong she is. When she's not in her playpen we try blocking her path to the t.v with objects such as the rocking chair and the playpen, but when next we look she is on the other side of the barrier! Somehow she always manages to wiggle her way through the smallest space to get to where she wants to be. Yesterday I had such a good laugh when I caught little miss prison break in action. We have one of those safety gates at the bottom of the stairs, because madam has figured out how to climb the stairs. Yes, at 8 months she thinks can do anything her brother can, so when he goes upstairs, she simply follows him! So anyway, the safety gate is up and while working yesterday she was playing around my feet, then she went to the gate which was behind me. Knowing that it was closed I didn't pay too much attention, but when I turned around to look at her... she actually managed to get her head through the little gap between the gate and the wall and was very expertly trying to manoeuvre her body through. Of course the minute I screeched "oh my word Sumayah! What are you doing?",  it was as if she knew she was doing something she wasn't supposed to and tried to pull her head out.... but it was stuck. So alas I couldn't get the camera to capture the moment because I had to help miss alcatraz get her head out of the bars. She hasn't tried it again, but not too long ago I caught her fiddling with the suction screws that holds the gate securely against the wall!

Oh, did I also mention that she loves eating paper and moving furniture around, particularly the dining chairs. And yes she actually does move them around the dining room! She also broke her play mobile (you know the one that stands on 4 legs that they supposed to lie under on the floor as babies?)... yes well she broke that in half! When we were in Cape Town we could take the one Bilaal had as a baby out of a box in almost mint condition. And I don't bother with expensive brand name bottles, because it's R100 down the drain when she cracks the bottom of the bottle because she is very fond of chucking it (with purpose and force I might add) onto the floor when she's had her fill!

Yep, that's our little Sumayah for you. Can you imagine how much fun we gonna have with her when she starts walking?!

Long Time No Blog!

We've been having trouble with the internet connection for the past few days so I have been suffering a bit of blogger withdrawal! Didn't think blogging would be so... so ... well addictive is too strong a word, but it will have to do for now. There's quite a few things I wanted to share, but I guess I will share gradually over a few posts. Also i have been trying to revive my movie editing hobby. I feel so bad that Bilaal has 4 movies from the 1st year of his life and Sumayah... well Sumayah has none. And everybody says 'it's always like that with the second one, but shame I don't want her to be little aspoestertjie. The dstv was out last weekend (I know horror of horrors over super 14 time nogal!) so we were watching some videos of Bilaal. I.ve been trying to upload some of them to share, but the bloody internet keeps disconnecting on me halfway through. But I shall keep trying and hopefully have them up soon.