A day of sacrifice

On Friday we celebrated our second Eid. Now for those who don't know the second Eid is significant because it marks the event in history when the prophet Ebrahim (Abraham) was tested in faith and ordered by God to sacrifice his son Ismael (Ishmael). As I understand it in the Christian and Jewish faiths alike it is believed that it was Isgaak (Isaac) that was to be sacrificed or am I mistaken? So anyway the story goes that when Ebrahim proceeded to sacrifice his beloved son, the knife would not cut and God sent a ram to take Ismael's place. So on this auspicious day, muslims all over the world sacrifice animal in the names of their children. Now for those of you who are vegetarian because you don't believe in the sacrifice of animals for food, I am sorry for this post and accept that you may not agree with this custom. However if you enjoy tucking into your juicy steak but find yourself disapproving, may I ask that you reserve judgement until you at least better understand fully what this day is about. Firstly, notice the word sacrifice as opposed to killing. This is an important distinction to make. Animals are not just randomly killed for the sake of fun or sport, they are sacrificed for a clear purpose. No part of the sacrificed animal must e wasted or incorrectly disposed of. Most people elect to distribute all the meat to the poor and destitute. The charity organisations involved usually make up food parcels. Now the part that many people struggle with is the actual observation of this sacrifice and that the child the animal is sacrificed for is encouraged to watch. This disturbs many people, especially us city folk. But I do believe that when a child, even very young children, understand the significance of the event they are not negatively affected by it, in fact I have found with Bilaal that he actually has a deeper respect for life because he is more aware of the value of life even in an animal. When you just watch the sacrifice all you see is the slaughter, but there are so many rules that need to be adhered to. now I am no expert but I am vaguely aware of the main ones. The animal must be well treated in its life state - well fed, comfortable etc. The animal must never see or smell the sacrifice of other animals as there must be no sense of the impending sacrfice so that the animal does not experience any fear. The method of sacrifice, which incidentally is also one of the determining factors for meat that is halaal or not, is that the cut must occur in one fast movement into the jugular so that death is instant and the animal experiences the least amount of pain possible. There are others but these are the main ones for me. Bilaal observed for the first time last year when he was 3 years old and he handled it really well. We read him the story before hand and he had some questions which we answered as best we could and he seemed to understand. I must say the whole day makes me very emotional because it just makes me think how grateful I need to be that I have been blessed with the ability to bear children. An then I think about how easily life can be taken away from us, even our children. And that makes me really fearful about my children's safety. ALmost everyday now on the news there's been reports of toddlers and chidlren drowning or missing or killed and you wonder what kind of world do we live in when children have become commonplace victims? And then when the Imam asks for my child's name to recite and proceed with the scarifice I pray to Allah to please protect my children from any pain and suffering and keep them safe from harm.

So I know this was a rather serious post compared to my usual lighthearted banter but I felt it was important part of my motherhood experience that I needed to intellectualise a bietjie.

In the Washing Basket!

Since Sumayah's rolling, I can't leave her on the bed anymore while I'm bathing Bilaal and she tends to lick the carpet. Besides I think she feels kinda left out lying there all by her lonesome while Bilaal and I have a fat conversation in the bathroom. But I have discovered the perfect solution - at least for now while she can't sit on her own yet... the washing basket!

As you can see, she absolutely loves it. This is right next to the bath so she can watch us while I'm washing her boetie's hair.

Midgets and Swear Words!

Every parent has stories of their children doing or saying something in public that just makes tnem cringe with embarrassment. Well, I am no exception! I have my fair share of tomatoe cheeks in the 4 years of Bilaal's existence. Unfortunately (or maybe for my sake fortunately?) I cannot remember all of them. The earliest embarrassing moment I do recall was when he was still very young, I can't remember how old, but he was just transitioning from nonsensical sounds to purposeful articulations (a fancy way of saying he was starting to speak!) Anyway, so he had this humungous duck that he absolutely loved. It was twice his size and he used to sleep with his arm draped over the duck's neck. So naturally the first animal sound he was taught was "quack". But this was too complicated an assimilation of letters for Bilaal at the time so instead he said "kak"! So everytime he saw a duck he would point and shout excitedly "KAK! KAK!" One day I was standing in Ackermans in Kenilworth Centre in Cape Town, waiting in line to pay or my goods when horror of horrors Bilaali spotted a duck! And true as peas he proceeded to point and with much zeal and animated frenzy shouted "KAK! KAK!" Now I was faced with a dilemma do I ditch my probably-don't-need-but-at-the-time-think-I-can't-do-without sale items; or do I just pretend I didn't hear and hope he doesn't repeat it. Well I stayed and he did! So I thought... how do I explain to the disgusted Antie in front of me that I do not teach my child to express such vulgar profanities without directly addressing her. So I simply said to Bilaal, "Yes, my boy, that's a duck and it goes "quack, quack!"

Now bearing in mind if that happened today with Sumayah I wouldn't care less what the people around me thought, I just don't get embarrassed for such minor transgressions anymore. But there are some things that will always be embarrassing. Like the first time Bilaal saw a midget. Now fortunately for me I am retelling this story as it was told to me because I wasn't with Bilaal on this occasion. He was with his granny in a supermarket called Tesco in the UK. Apparently a midget man stood a few paces away from Bilaal in one of the aisles looking up at the shelves. Bilaal looked, turned toward him then said, "Tell me... why you so small?" Fortnuately the man took it in good humour and simply answered, "because I can't grow". But that didn't stop the Bilaali inquisition because he then asked, "but why you can't grow?" At which point my mom intervented and swiftly moved him along.

On another occasion Bilaal was on a bus with his granny and great-granny travelling from Shepperton to Kingston when 2 Pakistani women sat near them and started talking with heavy Pakistani accents. They were chatting away when Bilaal remarked very loudly to be heard over the bus engine, "Ma, why do they talk so funny? They not making any sense."

So I may have been spared those 2 particular times, but I remember a time in the shops with me as well. See for a long time, and somtimes today still, Bilaal would describe people by the colour of their clothes. So if you wore predominantly pink you would be the pink one, or a man wearing blue would be the blue one, etc. Of course other people don't know this, they just hear talk of the white man or the black lady... you catch my drift? So one day we were in Sainsbury's and Bilaal was very intrigued by the security at the door because he was just going through a period of fascination with police and security and 'baddies'. He was still a little confused thinking that the security was a baddy because he caught those who did bad things and I was trying to explain it to him. So as we were walking out of the shop Bilaal pointed at the security who was wearing black, but also happended to be a black man and called out, "Mommy, so is the black man a baddy?" I don't know who heard because I was at my car in no time!

I'm sure there are many others, if I remember I'll be sure to post it!

Now that's deductive logic!

Yaasier reminded me last night of another of Bilaal's funny quips. But this story needs some background to be understood. You see as Muslim parents, from an early age we taught Bilaal how to recite the 'Shahadah', a profession of belief in the Almighty. Of course with this came an explanation that we believe in only one God we call Allah and that Allah is our all powerful creator. Naturally he enquired where Allah is. We explained that we can't see Allah, but that He is everywhere.

This brings me to my story.... Awhile ago, I think Bilaal must have been 3? I'm not sure... well anyway we were driving along when Bilaal suddenly asked, "you know the man on K 'n C (thats what he calls KFC)?"
To which we replied, "Yes he's called Colonel Saunders..."
Bilaal: "Oh, isn't he Allah?"

Shock, horror! "No! why do you think that he's Allah?"

Bilaal: "Because you said Allah is everywhere, and I see the K'nC man eeeverywhere!"

Well I guess if a dog has four legs and a cat has four legs, then a dog must be a cat right? heehee

You say Tomaytoe, I say Tomartoe

The other day Bilaal and I had a classic case of miscommunication. He reminded me about it in the car and we had a good chuckle. You see I have one of those plastic London aprons with the guard in the red uniform and the tall black fur helmet standing the length of the apron. One day when I was wearing it, Bilaal came to me and without making reference to the apron, asked me, "Mommy, what is a guard?"

So I launched into a whole philosophical definition in as simple terms as a 4-yr old can handle about "God"! I started explaining to him that God is not human and is present everywhere and that as muslims we believe that there is only one God and we call him Allah and that nothing comes equal to God...etc...etc...

All the while Bilaal patiently listened to me until I asked him, "Do you understand? What made you ask?"
To which Bilaal replied, "Yes I understand, but what is the guard on your apron?"
I looked at him blankly and then burst out laughing. Of course he had no idea why I was laughing, but he happily chuckled along. Then I explained to him that I was laughing because I misunderstood his question and that I was a very silly mommy! LOL!

Knight in Shining Armour

Earlier in the year we realised that Bilaal didn't know how to stand up for himself against physical bullies. He has a good mouth on him, but doesn't really know how to react when someone pushes him or smacks him, or in this case when the bigger girl told him to close his eyes and open his mouth and then proceeded to put a stone in his mouth!. Now I'm not one of those over-zealous mothers who will go rushing to school demanding that the girl's parents be informed of their horrible child's atrocities... because I know kids will be kids and really the onus is on us as parents to teach our own children how to handle these instances by themselves. They need to learn how to fight their own battles so hubby and i had a whole discussion with him about any other incidences that may have happened and how he handled them. Weask him about school every night at the supper table so when we asked him how come he never mentioned these things when we asked him about school, it came out that he thought we only wanted to know about good things! Just shows taking real interest in your children is more that just asking them "how was your day" hey?

So anyway we spoke to him about when it is okay to stand up for yourself and how, and when he should consider telling the teacher. (He wasn't so keen at first 'cos he didn't want to be a tattle-tale). I then had a discussion with the teacher to ask her to just coach him in being more assertive and help him identify when it is appropriate to report to the teachers.

So this was much ealrier in the year and we now have a very different child. He knows how to handle bullies, hardly ever needing to "squeal" to the teacher. So the other day he was telling me that one of the boys in his class is very "wild". Apparently this boy likes to punch other children, including him and his favourite friend (the girl he always says is beautiful).

So I asked him what did he do when the boy hit him and he replied, "I hit him back"
And then I asked,  "and what did you do when he tried to hit Robbie Rue (nickname for his friend)?"
And my little knight in shining armour replied, "I told  him that if he want to hit Robbie Rue then he have to get through me first!"

Fantasy vs Reality

The Tooth Fairy (or  in our case the mouse), Father Xmas, magic... these are all the familiar fantasy realms we are familiar with that fill our children's minds with a sense of wonderment and splendor. But there are more comples lines between feeding into the fantasy and teaching the reality. With Bilaal now entering the age of reasoning and the need to understand things... you know... the what, when and why age... I am constantly battling with this line.

For instance Bilaal will often ask me about the programmes or adverts he watches on T.V.
Is it real?
Are they really doing that?
Can I go there?
etc, etc

So when do i go with him on that ride of fantasy and say, yes the magical forest in the Baker's biscuit advert where all magical creatures steal the biscuits falling out of the childrens buckets is real...
or should I endeavour to teach him about the principles of marketing and not trusting and believing everything on t.v. when some beer advert makes it look like drinking it will make it snow.

Or maybe he shouldn't watch so much T.V?
But the thing is he doesn't, and its not just t.v. I want him to be a child and believe that magic is real and that wonderful things can happen if you just use your imagination, but I also want him to learn about the world and how it works.

Aah parenthood...

I want to have my cake AND eat it!

When Bilaal was born I stopped working to be a stay-at-home mom, but 3 months down the line I started to feel mentally unchallenged, aka, bored! So I decided to take up a Masters degree (yeah I know what possessed me). But actually I really enjoyed it, I only had to attend lectures for 1 week per term and then completed my assignment inmy own time. Yes I know there isn't much of "own time" when you have a baby... it certainly was challenging, but I managed and it was worth it. Then through my involvement with the university I landed a stint as a student fieldwork supervisor, also part-time. SoI was juggling looking after my boy and working and it was difficult but I was determined not to give up my stay-at-home mommy status.

Well now I have 2! And once again I find myself at home mentally unchallenged. But this time the studies are not on the books, because, well it costs money and I'm not ready to make that investment unless I know I can handle it, and I have serious doubts. So i nstead I have taken up freelance writing. It's not ideal because I'm straying from my profession as an Occupational Therapist and I am really worried that I will lose my OT knowledge the longer I am out of practicing, but as they say: you can't have your cake and eat it! My ideal sitaution would be if I could practice from home on a part-time basis then I would be happy to employ a nanny. Anything else is not really desirable to me.

With this freelancing business, I work inthe mornings or late at night, often times finishing articles with Sumayah sleeping on my lap, her head resting in the crook of my arm and me typing away...
So this is not an ideal situation, but it's the only way I know to defy the saying because I want to have my cake and eat it!

...And the little one said, Roll over, Roll over...

I have so much to do today, the last thing I should be doing right now is blogging, but I just had to share Sumayahs milestone... this morning she actually managed to roll over onto her tummy! Thing is developmental milestones go it's way too early for her to be achieving this mountainous challenge faced by babies. For the past week or so I noticed she was turning her body right over with just the last shoulder to lift then she'd be on her tummy so I knew she was getting there, but not so soon. Granted this may well be a fluke moment, but the at least her little brain box now knows its possible. The thing is it just reminds me how quickly your baby becomes a child and before I know it my Bilaaly is gonna be a teenager and I just want him to be my little boy forever.Well I'd best logg off now and get to work especially while Sumayah's sleeping.

Fresh Air

I know I've been neglecting my blog and when I do there are always these precious moments or funny sayings I forget to record. Its quite late and I need to sleep so I at least get a few hours in before the 3.30am feed, but I just had to visit my blog and talk about the lovely day Bilaal and Sumayah had in the fresh air today. We have been living at this complex for just over a year now and today for the very first time we actually made use of the pool. At first I wondered how on earth I would manage with Smayah on thearm and Bilaal in the water with his armbands, but Sumayah was an absolute angel in the fresh air. I put her on atowel in the shade and she was just lying there staring at the blue sky and fluffy clouds. so i could play with my boy in the water. He is quite daring going deep into the water but he hates having water in his eyes and here I go dunking him under water... sounds cruel I know but don't worry he loved it... as long as he could get out to dry his face on his towel and then do it all over again! Well I enjoyed the afternoon at the pool so we will definately be doing it agian. Come on summer come one!

Bilaal the charmer!

So Bilaal had a party on Saturday past. At these parties I can get to know some of the parents of the children in his class. Now there's this one little girl that Bilaal has a special relationship with. She's sort of his best playmate at school. I was chatting to this little girl's mom and she was telling me that Robyn (the girl) is starting to want to exercise choice as to what she wants to wear in the mornings. Apparently she always asks her mom if she thinks Bilaal will think she's beautiful in the clothes. And she never wants to wear a pants so its always a fight with her mum on action ball days because "Bilaal won't think I'm beautiful in this"!

Actually, I'm not surprised Bilaal tells the girls they are beautiful, he models from his dad who always compliments me when he thinks I look good. My boy's turning out to be a real gentleman.

More funnies from Bilaal

I was chatting to my sister whose in the UK the other day, discussing Bilaal's funny quotes in an earlier post. Turns out i forgot about a conversation he had with her not to long ago. Firdous was telling Bilaal that she missed him stax and stax, and Bilaal asked her how come she doesn't have any children of her own. When Firdous explained that she wasn't married, Bilaal replied...

"so why don't you find a man, find out where he lives, then you can marry him and then you can have children..."

If only everything in life were as simple as children make it out to be, or is it and it's just us adults that complicate things?