I really don't understand it. Yaasier and I have pretty much the same ethos when it comes to discipline. And when we do disagree, we agree not to disagree infront of Bilaal... you know... the whole united front thingy. So what I don't understand is, why, if I am just as strict as Yaasier, all Bilaal seems to care about is that daddy musn't be angry or upset with him. For example, whenever I reprimand him about something when Yaasier is home he will always say, "don't say so loud mommy otherwise daddy will hear." Nevermind that i am clearly angry with him. Or when he deliberately disobeys me and I ground him from the neighbours or place a ban on one of his favourite activities... he sulks of course... but then always follows with, "but don't tell daddy".
I always vowed not to be one of those wait-till-your-father-gets-home kinda moms, but alas! My destiny as a traditionally stereotypical mom awaits! I just don't get it. When daddy says, no Bilaal don't do xyz, he listens, not showing his frustrations at not being able to do whatever bright idea that is actually incredibly dangerous thing he wanted to do. But when I tell him not to do something, he moans and sulks and sometimes even tries to hurt me (like today when he angrily wheeled one of his toy monster trucks into my legs because I told him not to launch it off the table in Sumayah's direction because it could smash into her face by accident. Not to mention the terrible marks it makes on the table top.) So I launched the dreaded threat-line, "must I tell your daddy about your behaviour?"
Gone is the easy-to-manipulate-into-desired-behaviour little boy who used to shower with me with endless amounts of hugs and kisses and I love yous. Hello to the child who's outgrown toddlerhood in the blink of an eye. I am entering a whole new phase of parenting and it scares the shit out of me!
Poor Tas. It's funny I was listening to a talk about anger in family today. We are more likely to get angry and are more openly angry at the people we are closest to. Sometimes for the pettiest reasons. Maybe thats what happens to mothers? They spend so much time with kids that the emotions run alot higher. There's no shyness or embarrassment in front of you because you're always there.
ReplyDeleteMaybe there's a flip-side to this whole scenario which is, Bilaal is so comfortable around you, knowing that he can't hide his frustrations nor get away with the naughty things he does that he doesnt mind making a point of it. Where as with Yaasir the time he has is less than with you and he'd probably prefer not to have that time diluted with Yaasir being upset with him.
By the way I love the new layout :)
Disciplining gets harder the older they get! Strange how differently he reacts. Good luck! :-)
ReplyDeletewow rameez, that's actually quite insightful. thanks I never thought of it that way.
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