A memo from your child

Yaasier brought home the Ar Rasheed newsletter last night and we were both drawn by this insert that was included by an unknown author titled 'A memo from your child'. We decided to keep it up on our fridge as a reminder of some of the basic things our children require from us. The interesting thing is that as simple as this list is, reading through it I was struck by how many I actually 'fail' to adhere to on a daily basis. Have a read through and see how many you succeed/falter on. Parenting really is a very hard and complex task. The sustenance, the love and the tending to daily physical needs is the easy part...

a memo from your child

re: Me

1. Do not spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. i am only testing you.
2. Do not be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. it lets me know where I stand.
3. Do not use force with me. it teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.
4. Do not be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.
5. Do not make promises you may not be able to keep. That will discourage my trust in you.
6. Do not fall for my provocations when I say and do things that upset you. Then I will try for more such victories.
7. Do not be too upset when I say "I hate you". I do not mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done.
8. Do not make me feel smaller than I am.I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot".
9. Do not do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.
10. Do not let my "bad habits" get me alot of attention. It only encourages me to continue them.
11. Do not correct me in front of people. I will take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
12. Do not try to discuss my behaviour in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse. It is alright to take the action required, but lets not talk about it too late.
13. Do not try to preach to me. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong.
14. Do not make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I am no good.
15. Do not nag. If you do, i shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
16. Do not demand explanations for my wrong behaviour. I really do not know why I did it.
17. Do not tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.#
18. Do not forget that I love and use experimenting. I learn from it, so please put up with it.
19. Do not protect me from consequence. I need to learn from experience.
20. Do not take too much notice of my small ailments. I may learn to enjoy poor health if it gets me too much of your attention.
21. Do not put me off when I ask "honest" questions. If you do, you will find that I stop and seek information elsewhere.

Moving House

These past weeks have been so very busy. We are finally moving tomorrow so there have been lots to do and organise. As my cousin told me I should be an expert at moving already. Why? Because we have moved oh only 4 times in the last 5 years! Only this time we are not renting, it is OUR house so it feels great! It's funny though because for Bilaal it is so 'normal' to keep moving to another house (given that he has moved almost every year of his existence!) that the one day he heard me trying to organise a cleaning company to do the post-occupation clean at our current home and when he asked me and I explained, he followed with, "Oh, so when we move out of the new house we will also have to get the cleaners in?"

When Bilaal was born my in-laws were living in NZ and my folks were in the UK. They were all there for the birth, but all missed the 1st year of his life. We visited NZ just before Bilaal's 1st birthday where he 'met' his 'telephonic' grandparents. Unbeknown to us 8 months later would be living in the UK. He had 2 good years of quality time with his grandparents on that side when we returned to South Africa, but wait, not to our home city of Cape Town, but to Johannesburg where we had no family. In the beginning we used to worry that we are uprooting Bilaal so much that he might end up being an insecure child who struggles to commit himself to things of importance. But we soon realized that as long as we kept the most important part of his young tender life consistent and reliable and dependable he would in fact flourish with all these varied experiences. And that most important thing is US, the WE, the family UNIT. And I can see now that in fact these experiences have made him very adaptable, he makes friends very easily, he loves travel at this young age already, he's been exposed to different cultures and lifestyles and weather! And mostly despite family being spread everywhere he has a good relationship with all of them. I do realise that if he was older and there was the complexity of school and peer relationships at a time when identity starts to develop and all the rest it would've been a totally different story, so my advice to any young parents out there, if you want experience living abroad, do it now while the kids are still young and mouldable. I can tell you from my sister and sister-in-law's experiences it gets much harder when the kids are older.

But anyhew! I need to get my packing done and some more running around on erends so I better get going. It felt good to be blogging again. my internet may be down for a bit after tomorrow so I don't know when my next installment will be, so till then!

wordless wednesday 31

For some reason Sumayah just loves Bilaal's swimming cap.

Watch this space!

hey hey hey! just dropping in to say I'm still alive and 'Watch this Space'  ;-)

Sumayah's 1st Accident and Emergency experience

Last night we had our first Accident and Emergency visit with Sumayah. What happened you ask?
She fell out of her feeding chair onto the floor and knocked her lip on the tiles. At first when I saw the bloody mouth I just tried rinsing her mouth, but on closer inspection I noticed that the thingy that connects the lip to the teeth thingy (which I now know is called the frenulum/threnulum not sure which!) was cut... I know sounds eina right? So anyway when Yaasier who was upstairs on a call came rushing down to see what all the fuss was about, he suggested a trip to the A&E. We decided it would be better to take the cautionary measure and go just in case there's something she needs stitches or something. We arrived at Olivedale A&E at about 7.30pm and seen impressively quickly by the triage nurse whose role is to classify the priority of your case. We were placed in the 'green' category which meant we were low priority, with yellow coming in second and red/orange taking top honours. According to the hospital policy, patients in the green category should be seen within an hour. However the nurse explained to us that there was a resussitation going on which could slightly delay matters. In the mean time while we waited Sumayah 'got over it' and started being her usual spirited, playful self, attracting the attention of all and sundry in the waiting room. We started to wonder if it was even worth waiting or if we should just go home and see a GP the next day. Nonetheless after about an hour and 15 mins we were sent through to the consulting rooms where we waited roughly another 20 mins. So by 9pm a doctor examined Sumayah, prescribed an antibiotic to prevent infection, pain medication and probiotics and were told that it should heal by itself, but that we should return on saturday for a follow-up... and then we were sent home. After an hour and half of waiting the exam took a total of 10 minutes! But you know what better safe than sorry, and I would rather go the extra mile for nothing than do nothing and the problem takes itself the extra mile. The follow-up visit probably isn't neccessary because the injury is healing well and Sumayh doesn't seem to have any qualms with me touching the area, cleaning it or even brushing her teeth around the area. Algamdoelillah (praise be to God)! it could have been so much worse!

Thump in the night!

During the course of the night Sumayah usually ends up in bed with us. I really don't mind, but now that we are fasting and need to wake up at 4.30am to eat breakfast before the sun rises, it can pose a slight problem. Let us take this morning as an example. When the alarm went off, Sumayah was sound asleep in the bed and we were left with the predicament... do we leave her undisturbed in the bed knowing that she may roll off or wake for her bottle and fall off?... or do we pick her up to put her in her cot and risk waking her and end up with a little bright-eyed girl sitting regop at the breakfast table at 4.30 in the morning asking for a slice of our toast?

I looked at Yaasier and mouthed out quietly, "do you think we can leave her in the bed?" He nodded yes and that was that. I placed the pillow around her and we went downstairs. About half hour later while enoying a pastrami sandwich, we heard a Thump! Yaasier and i looked at each other and Yaasier asked, "Did Sumayah just fall off the bed now?" which was immediately followed by the sound of Sumayah crying. i flew up the stairs faster than I knew possible and when I entered the dark room I saw the shape of a tiny head on the other side of the bed looking around the room.

Shampies man she looked so small and vulnerable, but actually wasn't crying much. I don't think she really got hurt, more just of a fright and very annoyed. So we darem ended up sitting with her at the breakfast table, poor thing!

Once Bitten, Twice Shy!

Yesterday I took the kids to the local park. There was a cute little boy there with a lovely, friendly mommy. We chatted briefly while our kids braved the climbing structure. According to her the little boy is 16 months, only 2 months older than Sumayah. We parted as our kids explored the rest of the park in different directions, but then a little while later Sumayah spotted the little boy again and approached him. The boy's mom was sitting a few centimetres away on one side of them and I was standing a few centimetres away on the other side of them. I could see Sumayah wanted to hug the boy and he wanted to hug her too but as they leaned in toward each other Sumayah lost her balance and fell on her bottom. She didn't cry and I reassured her from where I was standing that it was okay and that the boy just wanted to hug her. Then, as if in slow  motion I saw him lean down toward her, put his arms around her in a loving embrace and then gave her a huge haps on her cheek! This cute little boy was biting my girl! By the time I managed to pull her away he had already left an ugly bite mark on her cheek, but fortunately no blood! Sumayah of course cried and the boy's mom quickly jumped up, apologised and asked if he pushed her because she didn't see him bite her. I just said 'no he bit her'and walked away to console Sumayah away from the boy. While I was playing with Sumayah on the other side of the park I noticed the mom's daughter arrived from her ballet lesson and then they left.

Now I have no ill feelings toward the little boy or the mother in fact. He is still only a baby and at that age biting is a common problem that develops. It could just as easily have been Sumayah who did the biting. She does after all tend to bite Bilaal when he frustrates her! But it did get me thinking, what is the appropriate response in this situation, on either side? I was so shocked in the first instance and then focussed on Sumayah and consoling her that I had no time to say anything to the mom. But only now in retrospect do I wonder to myself... shouldn't she have come to see if Sumayah was okay? If it was Sumayah who bit another child, I would've been profusely apologising to the other mom and making sure that the other kid was okay. But I don't know if she didn't hear me or if she didn't believe me, if she was embarrassed, or maybe she just didn't care (which I doubt), but this mom just carried on as though nothing happened!

All I know is I will be very reluctant to encourage hugs and kisses from other kids from now on. As the saying goes, 'once bitten, twice shy'!