Sore Loser

Bilaal has a very competitive spirit, I guess he gets it from both his parents. But one thing I cannot stand is that he is such a sore loser. I have been trying to foster in him a sense of good sportmanship, but to no avail thus far. Now I hear you saying, ag but all kids are like that. True, but not to the levels Bilaal takes it. I am just afraid that if we don't nip this behaviour in the bud early he is going to grow up to be be one of the John McEnroe's of the world. That he is going to be that boy that gets excluded from team games because he saps the fun out of it with his sore loser behaviour.

What starts off as a fun game of snakes and ladders or ludo or momopoly, hardly a game you play for recognition or achievement, just some silly fun... and it ends up being a game of tantrums or tears or aurguing and nobody having any fun. So what will happen if it's real competition like a sport?

SO with the Bafana vs France game I saw an opportunity for some life lessons to be imparted! I described to him how Bafana had a very slim chance of getting through to the next round, even if they won the match and how the whole country was disappointed. I asked him how he would feel if he was one of the team and of course he said he would be very angry. So I explained to him that the players probably feel the same, yet they are going to go out onto the field and play the best game they can and still put all their hearts into it. I explained that even though they let us down, we still need to show our support, because that's what true support is... sticking with your team even during the bad times. Then I Bafana to the French team. I explained to him how poorly the French behaved after they failed to win their previous matches, that they had taken out their frustrations on each other and how disgraced the French nation are by their team.

Then I asked Bilaal, now do you want to be like the Bafana players who still have the pride and support of their country, or do you want to be like the French team who everybody is talking badly about and whose own countrymen are ashamed of them. And of course he said he wanted to be like Bafana. Fortunately the game yielded a win from Bafana and the French coach played into my little life lesson by displaying true unsportsman like behaviour by refusing to shake out coache's hand! I said to Bilaal again, 'you see, Bafana did their best and won the match. And even though this is the end of the competition for them, at least they can say they can be proud that they left the competition with dignity.'

So now everytime Bilaal starts trying to cheat in a game or throws a tantrum when you go up a ladder and land far ahead of him, I can remind him again that he wants to be a Bafana not a French!

Father's Day

On Sunday we had a late morning, all four of us lying in the bed, chatting and playing. Then Bilaal and I went to prepare breakfast and he practiced all morning to sing his daddy a special song. I still need to upload the pics and video, but in the mean time here is the movie I put together for Yaasier's birthday earlier this year. It just captures what an awesome, special daddy he is. He is always worrying that he doesn't spend enough time with the kids, but really he goes out of his to spend quality time with them. And although there are the obvious things like providing for them, keeping them safe and secure, clothed, fed and educated that makes him a good dad... it is the special things like taking Bilaal to play ball, teaching him things, holding Sumayah in his arms in the evenings, laughing together and praying together that makes him an extra special dad. So here is to my gorgeous hubby who I love to bits!

My patriotic son

It is amazing to see how Bilaal has develop such patriotism toward South Africa. And it's not just because of the World Cup. This has been developing steadily for a while already and as his memories of his UK life start to fade, his proudly South African resolve has strengthened. Initially it was deliberately fostered by Yaasier particularly through the love of rugby. Yaasier is and always has been an All Black supporter. He grew up supporting the All Blacks during apartheid and because he is pretty obsessed with rugby, it is more than just support that can just be switched off and allegiances changed because we are now in the new South Africa. Instead what he has done is nurture that support in Bilaal, after all he is from the 'born free generation'. Bilaal has full Springboks gear which we always let him wear when they play and we encourage him to support 'against' daddy when they play the All Blacks. It's so cute to see how excited he gets when his team is beating his daddy's.

Now with the World Cup fever and particularly in Johannesburg where people (me included) have been donning the SA flags and mirror socks and all sorts of other SA paraphenalia for months already, his sense of pride in country has been rejuvenated. He insists the flag must be on the window where he is sitting, and he always checks that my mirror socks are fitting properly. He also gets very upset with me if I forget to wash his Bafana jersey for football fridays. And you should hear him sing the national anthem. I think I should record him one day and post the video to my blog. On the night after the opening match against Mexico, we found him crying in his sleep. When we asked him why he was crying he sobbed that it was because Bafana lost! So we had to explain to him that they didn't lose and what a draw meant and that there would still be more games to play. This morning I didn't tell him that Bafana lost.

Wordless Wednesday 23

Friends

With the school holidays Bilaal has been seeing alot of the neighbours' kids. They don't always get to play together in the week because both kids go to aftercare so they come home quite late. The nice thing about living in a complex with security guards is that it is safe for them to move between each others houses or even play in the driveway between our houses. I would never ever otherwise allow Bilaal to go across to the neighbour without me watching his every step until he was inside their house, or play outside in the street even if right infront of the house. How things have changed! I rememeber how my brother at 5 years was able to go quite safely from neighbour to neighbour and we would simply call out for him from the yard when it was bath time, knowing that one of the neigbours would send him home.

The funny thing is Bilaal reminds me so much of my brother at this age. He was that kid. I supposed it's because we lived in the middle of our end of the street so he was friends with the nieghbours all around us and so he was the common denominator between all the other boys. Rameez is also a very friendly, confident person and has always loved being social. So as a result he was always friends with everyone. I remember the one neighbour's kid, Subair, used to knock at our door 8am in the morning on weekends and I would usually be the one to answer the door with sleep in my eyes and in my pjs to a little boy asking "is Rameez here?"... To which I would reply in a most irritated tone, "It's too early, come back later!"

I chuckle when I think about it now. Of course as they got older it wasn't so much the mornings that annoyed my teenage self, it was the constant presence of these irritating little tweenies, because they were ALWAYS at our house. Bilaal is a little like that with these 2 neighbours kids. Only this time I am not annoyed, but happy that he gets to have this experience of friendship outside of school. In the mornings the first one arrives at about 9.30 am and Bilaal is usually still milling around in his pjs unless we have somewhere to go. If we go out in the morning, we only need to pull into the parking space on return and out pops the 2 friends and follow us inside. They don't even give us a chance to put our bags down and they're already there ready to play. Both kids' parents work and are looked after by a domestic worker, so if they are here at lunch time, I normally give them lunch too. My only gripe is that sometimes the playstation tends to dominate play, so I always monitor and limit the time they are allowed to spend in front of the T.V. I find it amazing that they don't play outside in the garden more often. I usually have to encourage them to play with a ball, because they always want to be inside with the cars and toys. Sumayah of course thinks she's one of the boys, always trying to get in on the action when they are playing with the toys.

Bilaal and Oscar who lives opposite us.

Seth lives next door

Sumayah thinks she's one of the boys

Uncle Rameez

Spoke too soon?

So as I feared, my celebrations on yesterday's post was a little premature. Last night the sleep battles resumed. The funny thing is when I was putting her to sleep for the night I already knew what kind of night was ahead. This time it wasn't related to the separation anxiety I don't think. When I was putting her to sleep it was just clear that she was very restless. No amount of rocking or swaying could get her to calm down enough to fall into a deep sleep. So naturally at around 10pm she was awake again. I was on the phone with a friend so Yaasier went up and put her back to sleep. But I knew right there and then what kind of night was awaiting me. Even when I picked her up and held her in my arms in the bed, she still couldn't sleep. Her eyes would be closed, but she wasn't asleep. Eventually at about 2.30am I went downstairs to give her some rescue remedy and then got back into bed and slept with her in my arms the rest of the night. Of course the last thing I needed was to be told this morning that I should keep the volume down because I am disturbing the neighbours with my frustrated moanings that Sumayahs should "just shut up and sleep for god's sake " and stomping down the stairs and angry closing of cupboard doors in my frustration. Now mind you I know the house is very quiet so all my annoying sounds are amplified, but was I really loud enough to wake the neighbours? I don't think so... maybe to disturb the people who are warm and snug under the blankets in my own house yes, but I hardly think I was 'shouting' or 'banging' doors. So naturally this morning I was in a rather foul mood.

But I made myself a good brekkie and have turned to ranting to the blogosphere to calm me down. Now for a lovely long hot shower and I will be ready to face the day.

Touch Wood

Touch wood that I am not blogging about this too soon... you know how it is that you are happy about something and just when you talk about it or write about it, something changes and your news is negated. Well hopefully that's not gonna happen here. See for the past 2 nights Sumayah has been sleeping ... fairly well. On Saturday night I found that everytime she cried, if she saw me peering over at her she just put her head back down and slept on, confirming the whole separation anxiety theory. So I opened the side cover of her camp cot so she could see me through the netting and evertime she cried out I put me hand against the net and shusshed her back to sleep. It actually worked quite well and the best part was that I didn't have to get out of bed. Ok so maybe I had to lie very low down on the bed and practically hang over the side with my arm freezing in the cold night air, but at least I got some shut-eye!

Then last night I rearranged our furniture slightly so that her camp cot is more alighned with my bed and her sleeping position corresponds with mine. And surprise surprise I think that may have done the trick. She slep through the witching hour and only started being restless from about 1.30 am. She never really woke up, only cried out slightly in her sleep and I could simply stretch out my arm and say 'sshh' and she would sleep on. She only woke at about 5am when I brought her to the bed and gave her a bottle.

Now here's to hoping that this can continue for ever more!

Separation Anxiety

It is as though Sumayah has read the manual! According to Baby Sense, "This is the age when separation anxiety starts, and (she) will exasperate you with (her) fickleness of mood. One minute (she) will be playing quite happily on (her) own, and the next (she) will be sobbing inconsolably if you move out of (her) line of vision."

I really though that with me striking the perfect balance between being a part stay-at-home, part working mom, she would overcome her separation issues. When I leave in the morning she is perfectly fine as long as Abegail distracts her when I leave. Yet when I am home with her there are times when she is totally engrossed in her own little play world that she couls care less where I am, and then most other times I can't even move round a corner to reach for something without her crying.

I have come to realise that this may also be the root of our sleeping woes. Yes they still continue. I have not blogged about it for a while because I resumed sleep training last week and was hoping that I could reveal my success after the fact and bring about a change of tone to my blog from gloomy to hopeful. Well it was going well initially. She started taking full 2 hour naps in the day! Night times still had its hourly wakings, but all she required was a little pat and her dummy.

And then, of course, she developed tonsilitis! So all sleep training progress was thrown out the window and I now have to wait for her to be fully recovered before I can start all over again! Of course it doesn't help that I too have a cold, so does Yaasier (even worse that mine) and Bilaal recovering from a cold too!

She has become so clingly I have even dug out the old Baby Sense sling and find myself washing dishes with her in the 'hip hold' position. I really am at my wits end with this whole sleep story. Earlier I read a post on The Reluctant Mom's Blog that was so painfully truthful and honest and I was soooo glad I read it. Sometimes as moms we feel so alone guilty when we experience negative emotions and thoughts toward our children because not only because we love them, but because we are afraid that we will be judged as inadequate, a failure, a bad mother... when really we should realise that ALL moms experience negativity at some time during motherhood. And it is in realising that and confronting the ugliness of our emotions that we are able to seek help. So once again Reluctant Mom... Thank you for your honesty!

Wordless Wednesday 22

Woe is Me!

For those of you who are regular readers of this here blog, you may have been wondering where I've been. I won't lie and say I haven't had time to blog because there have been many opportunities. Nor can I say I haven't had anything to blog about... nothing can be further from the truth. It's just that I was beginning to be a bit of a complain pot which is totally not the spirit in which I started this blog. There's also been so much going on with the kids that I found myself craving moments of doing-nothingness where every chance I go, however few I would just sit and watch t.v.

But you know what? I realise that I have every right to be a complain pot in this space, because it is after all my space. So what's been going on you ask? Last week Bilaal had a tummy bug again. Fortunately it was only coming out the top end, changing bedding and pjs 3 times during the night is no fun, especially if in between you have an insomniac of a baby screaming her lungs out every hour. Then Wednesday Bilaal was back at school and what do you know... Sumayah starts. Now at first I thought she caught the bug from him, but then it became clear that this was no bug, She wasn't vomitting consistently during the , no fever and she was actually quite constipated. So all she ate for 2 days was banana, jam sandwiches and juice. Finally she seemed to improve, then Friday night Bilaal vomitted, followed by Sumayah the next morning. So Saturday we traipsed off to the doctor. The verdict? Both of them are fine! She gave me scripts for antibiotics for both of them in the event they didn't improve the next day. Bilaal didn't need his, but even though Sumayah only vomitted her milk once the next day, the monday I went to get her the antibiotics. I have become an expert at mopping up grotesquely large amounts of projectile vomit!

Now let's not neglect the whole sleeping saga. I am pleased to report that Sumayah is no longer so much an insomniac as she is a restless sleeper. Now when she wakes every hour I can at least get her to sleep again as soon as I pop the dummy in. I have realised though that it is not actually the dummy that soothes her, but rather me giving her the dummy that does the trick, because even though she sleeps, the minute my head hits the pillow she cries again. So to avoid the cold of winter biting at my toes in the middle of the night I have resorted to bringing her to the bed. This of course is not really a solution, because it's not as if she sleeps through the night when she's in the bed. She still cries every hour or so, but at least she's right next to me so I can simply pat her back to sleep. The good news is the whole vomitting saga seems to be under control now!
But still... woe is me!