It is 23h04 and the sounds of giggling and pitter patter footsteps and rattling beds have finally stopped in the room of the 2 monkeys. I'm lying in the quiet darkness with Yusuf sprawled across my chest, just above my ever lowering bump, wondering how the fudge we are going to be ready for the one thats busy dancing in my belly?!
I saw the doctor twice this week. I won't go into the details, but I needed to see the doc before my scheduled appointment and was placed on something called an NST or non-stress test machine which monitors baby's heartbeat as well as possible contractions. The doc was initially concerned that there appeared to be a skip in baby's heartbeat but this seemed to resolve after a while. Although doc was happy with everything else, as a precaution she instructed me to come again for the NST the following morning and be prepared for the possibility that she might admit me for further monitoring. Thankfully it didn't come to that, but it certainly had me lamenting the stark reality that there is a baby on it's way...soon! Aside from the fact that finding out so late made this a very short pregnancy, I also never entertained the possibility that I could labor early. Partly because... well thats not how we roll and probably more so because I don't want that to be the case. I just don't feel ready...
Bilaal and Sumayah were both born a day or 2 past due date, while Yusuf was 3 days early. But all 3 pregnancies brought great anticipation and eagerness for birth to happen from the magical 37 week milestone already, fondly known as being 'term'. But this time is so completely different. This time, even though I am excited to meet our little man I feel as though I am not yet ready for him. And yet this time round I feel my body preparing much sooner for the big event. The reality is, whether we are ready or not, this baby will be born exactly when he is supposed to be born and that unknown, that uncertainty scares me. And it is for that reason that I find myself blogging at this crazy hour instead of trying to get some sleep between Yusuf's bouts of restlessness.
0 comments:
Post a Comment