A memo from your child

Yaasier brought home the Ar Rasheed newsletter last night and we were both drawn by this insert that was included by an unknown author titled 'A memo from your child'. We decided to keep it up on our fridge as a reminder of some of the basic things our children require from us. The interesting thing is that as simple as this list is, reading through it I was struck by how many I actually 'fail' to adhere to on a daily basis. Have a read through and see how many you succeed/falter on. Parenting really is a very hard and complex task. The sustenance, the love and the tending to daily physical needs is the easy part...

a memo from your child

re: Me

1. Do not spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. i am only testing you.
2. Do not be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. it lets me know where I stand.
3. Do not use force with me. it teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.
4. Do not be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.
5. Do not make promises you may not be able to keep. That will discourage my trust in you.
6. Do not fall for my provocations when I say and do things that upset you. Then I will try for more such victories.
7. Do not be too upset when I say "I hate you". I do not mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done.
8. Do not make me feel smaller than I am.I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot".
9. Do not do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.
10. Do not let my "bad habits" get me alot of attention. It only encourages me to continue them.
11. Do not correct me in front of people. I will take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
12. Do not try to discuss my behaviour in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse. It is alright to take the action required, but lets not talk about it too late.
13. Do not try to preach to me. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong.
14. Do not make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I am no good.
15. Do not nag. If you do, i shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
16. Do not demand explanations for my wrong behaviour. I really do not know why I did it.
17. Do not tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.#
18. Do not forget that I love and use experimenting. I learn from it, so please put up with it.
19. Do not protect me from consequence. I need to learn from experience.
20. Do not take too much notice of my small ailments. I may learn to enjoy poor health if it gets me too much of your attention.
21. Do not put me off when I ask "honest" questions. If you do, you will find that I stop and seek information elsewhere.

Moving House

These past weeks have been so very busy. We are finally moving tomorrow so there have been lots to do and organise. As my cousin told me I should be an expert at moving already. Why? Because we have moved oh only 4 times in the last 5 years! Only this time we are not renting, it is OUR house so it feels great! It's funny though because for Bilaal it is so 'normal' to keep moving to another house (given that he has moved almost every year of his existence!) that the one day he heard me trying to organise a cleaning company to do the post-occupation clean at our current home and when he asked me and I explained, he followed with, "Oh, so when we move out of the new house we will also have to get the cleaners in?"

When Bilaal was born my in-laws were living in NZ and my folks were in the UK. They were all there for the birth, but all missed the 1st year of his life. We visited NZ just before Bilaal's 1st birthday where he 'met' his 'telephonic' grandparents. Unbeknown to us 8 months later would be living in the UK. He had 2 good years of quality time with his grandparents on that side when we returned to South Africa, but wait, not to our home city of Cape Town, but to Johannesburg where we had no family. In the beginning we used to worry that we are uprooting Bilaal so much that he might end up being an insecure child who struggles to commit himself to things of importance. But we soon realized that as long as we kept the most important part of his young tender life consistent and reliable and dependable he would in fact flourish with all these varied experiences. And that most important thing is US, the WE, the family UNIT. And I can see now that in fact these experiences have made him very adaptable, he makes friends very easily, he loves travel at this young age already, he's been exposed to different cultures and lifestyles and weather! And mostly despite family being spread everywhere he has a good relationship with all of them. I do realise that if he was older and there was the complexity of school and peer relationships at a time when identity starts to develop and all the rest it would've been a totally different story, so my advice to any young parents out there, if you want experience living abroad, do it now while the kids are still young and mouldable. I can tell you from my sister and sister-in-law's experiences it gets much harder when the kids are older.

But anyhew! I need to get my packing done and some more running around on erends so I better get going. It felt good to be blogging again. my internet may be down for a bit after tomorrow so I don't know when my next installment will be, so till then!

wordless wednesday 31

For some reason Sumayah just loves Bilaal's swimming cap.